The now-Lehigh Valley Phantoms have yet another new mascot, this one created by Emperor of Fun and Games Dave Raymond*, the former best friend of the Phanatic.
When the Phantoms moved to Adirondack, they created Dax, named after that guy from TMZ, whose birth was covered here with much snark. He of course replaced Phlex, who was, in case you never noticed, ACTUALLY A PHANTOM. And now we have Melvin.
Look, Melvin here, who’s named after a massive cameltoe, is great, and I truly dig the introduction video** (it’s… cute), but it bothers me when teams with characters in their names divert and go totally off-base with their mascot. Phlex worked, however frightening he was, because he was indeed a phantom. Grooved it down the middle, knocked it out of the park. But what’s the obsession with furry things? It’s the new millennium, haven’t they heard Melvins aren’t supposed to be like that anymore? You’re overthinking this, Flyers minor league affiliate. This one is so easy. Opportunity, missed. Unless… this is misdirection and Phlex will actually be lurking beneath the stands, playing his music of the night on the house organ during stoppages, channeling his true (friendly) PHANTOM spirit.*** In which case: well done, guys.
*Goofy hair. Tail. No pants. It’s no surprise that he takes strong cues from the Phanatic.
**Jim Brooks’ part at 1:15 is painfully awkward and more than a little creepy. It’s almost as if he said, “Hey, I’m the owner and we’re going to show my face, dammit!”
***THAT’S FUCKING WHY THEY PAY ME THE BIG BUCKS. THAT’S A GODDAMN BRILLIANT IDEA.