This is Tom Shattuck, and he is apparently paid to type his thoughts into a program that converts them into a format suitable for this specific public forum, the Boston Herald:
Sorry, losers. The fact is that everything about Brady is awesome.
Even his adopted hometown is cooler than yours. And that bothers you.
Boston has never looked better — never been better, and that only serves to fuel the irrational, national hate for Brady even further.
New York City is badly in need of Febreze, and its clown mayor has solidified himself as national donkey.
Philadelphia is home to the worst fans in sports and has nothing to offer the many visitors who don’t have the heart to tell them that their cheesesteaks are synthetic rubbish.
Baltimore … well … Baltimore is Baltimore. Enough said.
Indianapolis has relegated itself to the home of The Tattletale. It has an airport and a convention center. Maybe they can have the tattletale convention there. “Trust no one.”
These are just a few of the hater hot spots.
If you live outside of New England, chances are you dwell in one, too.
Clever. Unfortunately for Tom, who has a whole 1,461 Twitter followers, his dwelling may be even worse than those hater hot spots what with his commercial carpeting, crusty door jams, shredded blinds, and drop-ceiling. Boston may be a cool city, and it may look great, but can you still apply those descriptors if you’re an out-of-shape scribe who lives in a hovel and considers stuff like this his pastime?
Sometimes I'll just mouth breathe & stare at the security cam at Walmart for 45 min. Entertains the boys in the booth pic.twitter.com/Vqg6rJUzm8
— Tom Shattuck (@tomshattuck) March 7, 2015
No. No you can not.
It’s times like these where we can just roll out the always reliable Go Screw, Boston.