Your Monday Morning Roundup

The Phillies season is mercifully over, but the Eagles season, painfully, is just hitting its stride.

Let’s hit it!

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The roundup:

— Full Bird Droppings coming up in separate post —

The Phillies ended their season with a mere NINETY-NINE LOSSES! ONLY NINETY-NINE! But that wasn’t even close to the best or most notable part of the game. There was a dead bird. The Phils ended up with the lowest season-attendance since 2002. ICHIRO PITCHED (and he fooled Freddy Galvis).

Before the game, the Phillies honored Chooch for catching four no-hitters, but Roy Halladay did them one better:

But it’s all not sunshine and lollipops and “we didn’t embarrass the franchise as much as we could have” for the Phillies this year, there’s some bad news, too: Prospect Jesse Biddle is gonna need Tommy John surgery.

Elsewhere in baseball, teams who made the playoffs were having fun. Like the Dodgers:

And Cole Hamels and Jake Diekman, on a day Hamels pitched a complete game to win the AL West:

After the day ended, the Phillies announced (very) minor changes to their coaching staff, but Larry Bowa is drawing managerial interest from the Marlins.

This is how you distract a kicker, not that you even need to.

Elsewhere in the NFL, kickers ain’t shit. According to NFL Media Research, it was one of the worst weekend’s for kickers in five years:

NFL Media Research notes that the 18 missed field goals and extra points combined in Week 4 (through Sunday night) is just the second-most since 2010:

Most FG/XPA Missed in a Week since 2010:
Week 10, 2011: 20 combined misses on 57/76 FGs and 64/65 extra points
Week 4, 2015: 18 combined misses; 57/71 and 57/61

At least it’s not just [insert name of Eagles kicker here].

Game time snacks. Ray Diddy: Wawa. B-West: Salad. The Gov: IS THAT A WHOLE PIZZA?

Time of possession isn’t Chip Kelly’s jam, but this is still alarming:

Some pre-existing medical condition led to a fan collapsing and dying in a bathroom at the Chiefs-Bengals game in Cincinnati.

Also in Cincy, fans should leave the elaborate costumes to the Raiders fans.

Lane Johnson will undergo an MRI to see if he has a sprained MCL, and the Eagles’ depleted (and just plain bad) offensive line is looking worse and worse.

According to FiveThirtyEight, the Eagles still have a 28% chance to make the playoffs. The Redskins, who they just lost to? 10%.

Jimmy Kempski, in July, ran down 10 reasons the Eagles could be a dumpster fire this year, and that now looks incredibly accurate.

A Giants fan, who also happens to be a priest, pulled a gun on an 8-year-old because he was a Cowboys fan, once again reminding you that Eagles fans aren’t even the worst IN THEIR DIVISION.

Joaquin may have done little damage locally (other than the shore) but it may have sunk a cargo ship full of people, specifically Americans.

The FBI and ATF have warned local universities of a threat against a college campus “near Philadelphia” for 2PM today made on 4Chan

But it’s not all bad news, Will Smith is rapping again, still opening songs with “Ha ha … Big Will.”

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