Lunatic Dallas Sports Talk Radio Host Goes off on Cowboys

Dallas sports talk radio host Norm Hitzges, whom I imagine has a belt buckle the size of my foot and a ten gallon that could hide a boner, went on a bit of a rant against the hometown team today. It started off a little soft, but ended on a high note as Norm here got more lathered up as he went on and morphed into a poor man’s Jim Ross sans the Bells Palsy:

“Doesn’t it hurt to keep giving guys like Josh Brent and Joseph Randle and Greg Hardy and ad nauseam chances to play again and they laugh at you? They take your money and shoot you a freakin’ finger every week? Where the hell is your soul Jerry? Where the hell is it? Do you not care that everybody laughs like crazy at your football team? It’s one thing to lose, it’s another thing to lose when you’ve already sacrificed your damn soul.

“Get your butt down to the locker room Jerry and you discipline. You go locker to locker and tell Cole Beasley, ‘Shove that phone as far up as it goes baby. You’re off Twitter.’ And, ‘Dez, you do that again  we are going to have to a serious monetary talk pal, and I don’t care if I have to discipline you.’ Or Hardy, or name it. Pick anybody else who steps out of line, ‘I can lose without you guys.’

“This isn’t a seven-game losing streak. This is a surrender of your freakin’ soul.”

Remember, folks, it could always be worse. You could be a Cowboys fan.

Chad Dukes’ was better.*

*I’ve now had the pleasure of being on Dukes’ show multiple times over the years, likely as a result of that post way back when. Unlike Hitzgesrekkeskeksss’, Dukes’ rant came from the heart and wasn’t an appeal to go viral.

H/T to reader Tim

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  • Slow News Day November 17, 2015 at 4:08 pm

    Dallas sucks because their QB got hurt. We just suck. So I guess it could be worse? Pick up the shield bro!

    • Nick Gertz November 17, 2015 at 7:40 pm

      Umm, the Eagles have shitty QB’s that are nothing more than backups as well. Yet we havent lost 7 in a row. No, Dallas is a new kind of terrible.

  • Domestic abuser Ray pruit November 17, 2015 at 4:11 pm

    Serious question does Jillian Mele really bleach her asshole?? I keep hearing she gets it done

  • Keyboard lawyer November 17, 2015 at 4:15 pm

    Why can’t missanelli and innes be this great?!?! “JEFFREY!!!!!! CHIP HAS CASTRATED YOU!!! WHERE IS YOUR SPINE????? GO TO CHIP’S OFFICE, DEMAND HE GETS ON HIS KNEES AND SAY ‘TELL ME YOU LOVE ME!’ HOWIE IS THE GM!” Then go to the equipment room where Howie is shining helmets.

  • Wait a minute... November 17, 2015 at 5:01 pm

    It is a slow news day. They did release Weeden haha.

  • Dan Griffoni November 18, 2015 at 7:52 am

    I’ll lick yall’s taints!

  • Howard Eskin November 18, 2015 at 2:32 pm

    With the Woman Beater: Dallas 0-5
    Without the Woman Beater: Carolina 9-0

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