Here’s the thing about Chip Kelly: He seems like a dictator … but a fun one who doesn’t imprison entire swaths of the population based on race or religious belief. Sure he’s got you drinking smoothies and wearing sleep trackers, but yes, you may keep your fake-ass hoverboard, which actually doesn’t hover at all.

Kelly on hoverboards, like it matters at this point:

“Malcolm (Jenkins) started it. I think he teaches a class on it. We haven’t had any injuries and it hasn’t been a big issue — but there are, there’s a lot of them. It’s a little bit like ‘Back to the Future’ with guys flying around the hallways here.

If we had an injury, we would address it, but they have been doing it I think since back in preseason camp, maybe even back to OTAs and we have not had any — knocking on wood — ‘hover board injuries’. I don’t even know how you would put that on the injury report. Would you have to list that as hover board, Grade One or Grade Two? We haven’t had anything yet.”

So just keep an eye out for mysterious, vague injuries on the report. They’re definitely hover-related.

Kyle: Mush move by Kelly here. I predict a Byron Maxwell hoverboard injury, just to really ice this turd of a season.