Early Morning Coaching Rumor Roundup: Koetter, Jackson, McDermott, Payton and Patricia

More things.

 

Dirk Koetter

FOX Sports’ Alex Marvez mentions that Buccaneers offensive coordinator Dirk Koetter is on the Eagles’ radar. Not sure how I feel about a guy who’s overseen such powerful offenses… as the Jaguars, Falcons, and Bucs:

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Also not sure how I feel about a guy named Dirk.

Koetter headwear status: visor

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Hue Jackson

This is a name that was BANDIED about early but we haven’t heard much in the last few days… until now. Les Bowen writes, but doesn’t cite sources or reports, that Jackson (Jaccson?) is expected to be on the Eagles’ list:

Their list also is expected to contain Lions defensive coordinator Teryl Austin and Bengals offensive coordinator Hue Jackson.

According to reports, only the Dolphins and 49ers have sought permission to speak with Jackson thus far.

Jackson headwear status: smoooooooth

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Matt Patricia

WAIT, WHAT?! Yes, please.

Bowen followed that line up with:

Their list also is expected to contain Lions defensive coordinator Teryl Austin and Bengals offensive coordinator Hue Jackson, along with Patriots defensive coordinator Matt Patricia.

I have no idea where this is coming from. There is no verifiable report that Patricia is being considered, in the running, or would be interested – only this fake Ian Rapppppppppppppppppppppopopopoport, and Bones – but I have now developed a boner. Patricia would be a huge get– partly because he comes from the Patriots, partly because he’s got a sweet fucking beard, and partly because he’s a rocket scientist. From a great article in the Boston Herald about Patricia’s greatness:

Matt Patricia’s unprecedented voyage toward the top of the NFL coaching circuit has been forged by the total embodiment of his unique background.

Patricia, the defensive coordinator for the Patriots, left a well-paying job in his engineering field to gain an education with a series of low-paying, entry-level coaching gigs. It wasn’t, nor could it have been, about the money as much as a passion to accumulate the necessary experiences and exposure that could yield a greater future.

And since joining the Pats staff in 2004, Patricia has been responsible for transitioning coach Bill Belichick’s football operations into the 21st century with his technological prowess by computerizing the film documentation. Patricia was also able to bring the clock on Belichick’s car stereo into the modern age. When Belichick’s clock was temporarily doomed by daylight savings time in 2009, he summoned the resident rocket scientist to work his magic.

The only possible issue with Patricia is that he could be overvalued, by fans, because of his beard. If Doug Pederson looked like this, we wouldn’t hate the fact that the Eagles are apparently considering him to be their head coach. Patricia could be fucking Juan Castillo under there and his stock would still be inflated because of the beard and pencil (oh, I love the pencil). But take the beard away – and me thinks Windmill Jeff might make him do just that – and what are we left with? We just don’t know!

For realstons: The engineering degree is intriguing. It would be great to have another progressive coach, but I would imagine Jeffrey Lurie now has a real fear of any coaching candidate who doesn’t walk and talk like everyone else.

Patricia headwear status: fantasy draft

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Sean McDermott

Odd choice here by McDermott, whose name keeps popping up in HE’D BE INTERESTED reports. Problem: the Eagles haven’t sought permission to speak to him yet. In fact, no one has. This move comes off as reeking of desperation. Let me go on the radio, maybe I’ll get noticed. Like a weird kid wearing a $3,000 suit at an entry-level job fair. You can act as important as you want, nermal, but your Italian leather shoes and pocket square aren’t fooling anyone. I don’t like this guy. Didn’t like him when he was here. Not convinced he’s a good coach, despite the Panthers’ success this year, and not convinced someone who looks like a leprechaun can lead a football team.

McDermott headwear status: little Irish man

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Sean Payton

I take that as a sign that Payton is not returning to the Saints. But we’ll see.

 

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17 Comments

  • Freddy Boom Boom Washtingon January 5, 2016 at 7:24 am

    Don’t diss Mr. Koetter! He lived in Bed-Stuy before you privileged plutocrat hipsters ever ate your first farm to table duck taco with matzo balls and pressed beets. Hi There! Speaking of beat, the Philadelphia sports scene and this site!

    Reply
    • Epstein's Mother January 5, 2016 at 7:47 am

      Excellent comment

      Reply
    • Joey thin dick January 5, 2016 at 8:15 am

      We all know that the Eagles are guna hire Josh McDaniels

      Reply
    • Wally "The Wow" Carlin January 5, 2016 at 8:19 am

      Bensonhurst, not Bed-Stuy

      Reply
      • Barbarino January 5, 2016 at 8:34 am

        Ehh up your nose with a rubber hose.

        Reply
  • Saunders January 5, 2016 at 7:24 am

    Hire dabo Sweeney

    Reply
  • Rob Charles January 5, 2016 at 8:35 am

    Why on earth would you have a boner for Matt Patricia?

    How many failed Belichick coaching tree hires does there have to be for people to realize once these guys leave Bill and don’t have the best QB of all time to make everyone’s life easier, they fail miserably?

    Crennel, Weiss, McDaniels, Mangini

    Reply
    • Tom Selleck January 5, 2016 at 9:09 am

      cant that be said for just about every head coach? you get a HC gig but never get the QB, you’re going to fail miserably. BYW O’Brien is doing pretty well in Houston w/ for not having a QB.

      Reply
      • Rob Charles January 5, 2016 at 11:20 am

        Meh, I don’t consider 9-7 In the only division as weak as the NFC East very impressive. He was on the verge of being fired this year if not for the fortune of Andrew Luck getting hurt opening up the race. He’ll be bounced in the first round, and will probably be looking for a new job after 2016 when they go 6-10. Belichick coaches just do not succeed, certainly not enough that you should go after a guy like Patricia who I seriously doubt is doing anything Big Bill isn’t telling him to do.

        Jackson
        Gase

        Are the only two legitimate players the Birds should be going after.

        Reply
        • Tom Selleck January 5, 2016 at 12:20 pm

          a few years ago you wouldn’t have considered the Seahawks or Pete Carroll to be any good with your logic because they got into the playoffs with a 9-7 record in a bad division. whether you think it’s impressive or not it really doesn’t matter, they’re in the playoffs for the 3rd time in their history. back-to-back 9-7 seasons in his first 2 years w/ quarterbacks getting hurt, Foster getting hurt both years, and his 1st overall pick being hurt his whole first year (this is all with Ryan Fitzpatrick Case Keenum,, Brian Hoyer, TJ Yates, and Brandon Weeden). BTW it is EXTREMELY short-sighted to think that there should only be 2 candidates.

          Reply
    • WE ARE...PENN STATE January 5, 2016 at 9:48 am

      Last time I looked, Bill OBrien has his team in the playoffs as division winners this year.

      Reply
    • ej January 5, 2016 at 10:37 am

      So Kyle can put out some corny “fear the beard” t-shirts. None of the other coaching options are marketable.

      Reply
  • TS January 5, 2016 at 9:26 am

    believe it or not, Tampa Bays offense ranked as one of the top in the league this year…..with a rookie QB

    Reply
  • Heisenberg January 5, 2016 at 10:18 am

    Age McDermott about 10 years, give him some facial hair, and you have Walter White.

    Reply
  • Joe Cordell January 5, 2016 at 10:29 am

    So we love mike Patricia and hate Sean McDermott? This makes sense. But unless you’re from Missouri or Illinois they aren’t licensed in your state.

    Reply
  • "I don't like this guy" January 5, 2016 at 12:42 pm

    Says the guy who still has a boner for the man who blew up this team. Some real great analysis on a home town kid who would bring defense back. He made Kurt Coleman into a player…If a coach can do that, I’ll take him.

    Reply
  • Birds are high on Joe Philbin January 5, 2016 at 12:44 pm

    Surprise candidate waiting in the wings. Proved himself a winner in Miami. Ready to take this team to the next level.

    Reply
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