Safe to say no one saw this coming, except for maybe the sharps in Vegas who bet the Eagles hard all week — and the Eagles themselves. Even wildly optimistic fans who thought the Eagles would beat the Steelers figured it’d be a close, high-scoring game that would come down to the wire. But a 34-3 prison yard shellacking that was all but over midway through the third quarter and accounted for the most lopsided loss the Steelers have suffered in 27 years? *Doc Emrick voice* My goodness! I’m still waiting to wake up and for this all to be a fever dream.

Let’s make this quick and easy…

The Good: Everything

The Bad: Nothing

The Ugly: Yinzers

Ok, fine, I won’t pull a Tim Panaccio and mail it in and collect my money.

THE GOOD

Carson Wentz

So, uh, are we allowed to be excited about Carson Wentz yet? Can we finally legitimize his remarkable accomplishments now that he’s faced a “real” test, even if it ended up being his easiest test yet? What we’re seeing is actually unprecedented. Wentz sets new rookie quarterback records every game, is a special superstar in the making, AND HE’S OURS! He hasn’t made dumb rookie mistakes nor has he gotten rattled. Does he even have a ceiling? I can’t wait for him to engineer a last-minute, game-winning touchdown drive.

For the sake of being nitpicky, here are the only two gripes I had with Wentz that stuck in my mind: 1) First drive, 3rd and 9 from the Steelers’ 13-yard line. He goes through his progressions (good) but makes a low-percentage decision and throw across his body to the far left hashmark (bad) to Josh Huff that’s DOA and results in just a two-yard gain. 2) First touchdown drive/second play of the second quarter, 1st and 10 at the Pittsburgh 39-yard line. Doug Pederson calls a beautifully-designed and executed fake reverse to Nelson Agholor. The offensive line blocks it perfectly and Wentz has plenty of time, but he doesn’t exhaust all of his reads. Instead of simply peaking left to a wide open Agholor in the flat for an easy dump-off completion, Wentz locks onto Trey Burton deep and lofts a no-chance pass towards the sidelines into what becomes triple coverage by the time the ball lands incomplete.

But then there was the touchdown. It’s 3rd and 8 and the Eagles are facing a quick three-and-out that would’ve swung the momentum pendulum back to the Steelers. I’m thinking, Great, Big Ben’s going to get the ball and lead the offense down the field for a touchdown to make it 13-10 and it’ll be sphincter-clench city the rest of the way. As Wentz effortlessly sidesteps the stunting defensive tackle who blew by Allen Barbre up the middle and breaks the pocket with the first down marker in sight, I’m yelling “RUNNNNN!!!!!” (as is every Eagles fan in the stadium and entire Delaware Valley) because I’m a myopic piece of shit. He sees he has a leaking Sproles matched up a on linebacker and never stops thinking pass. I feel like every quarterback who can make plays with his legs pump fakes to freeze the second-level defenders, then tucks and makes a beeline for the sticks, fully willing to put his body at risk. Wentz buys time and is determined to maximize the chaos by turning this broken play from a potential first down into a home run. He keeps his eyes downfield the whole time, forcing defenders into a state of limbo, and points for Sproles to turn upfield. Sproles slips behind his man and Wentz lofts a pristine touch pass that allows him to catch the ball in stride and motor the rest of the way. That’s next-level quarterbacking.

For as impressive as Carson continues to be, he isn’t doing it all by himself — because he doesn’t have to. For all the heads-up plays and what are quickly becoming signature throws, he only passed for 74 yards through the air; the other 227 of his 301 passing yards came after the catch. Wentz is propelling the offense and amassing praise, but the supporting cast deserves credit for doing their part. Speaking of which…

 

Supporting Cast

Last week I wrote that Darren Sproles’ utility as a regular offensive player is just about done, then he goes and makes two explosive plays as a pass catcher (40 and 73 yards, respectively) to show me he’s still got it. He really shouldn’t get anymore handoffs, but I’ll eat my crow and am more than happy to have him be part of the passing game for as long as his cute, little, powerful, coconut-crushing, turf-shredding, tree-trunk legs desire.

While the wide receivers had their traditional drops and were quiet overall (12 catches for just 93 yards), Dorial Green-Beckham’s big, contested catch on 3rd and 12 to move the chains (the offense’s first 3rd and 10-plus conversion on its 13th try of the season) and Jordan Matthews’ 12-yard touchdown reception were key plays. Brent Celek had a couple big catches and was his usual beast as a blocker.

A banged-up (naturally) Ryan Mathews didn’t see the field after his first two carries went for negative yards, which allowed Wendell Smallwood to have his breakout game. He wears Correll Buckhalter’s #28 jersey and resembles him too with that one-cut, downhill, instant acceleration running style. While Wendell doesn’t have the power of The General, he’s got that same suddenness/quickness and is more agile. Little Bigwood is a blur with the ball in his hands and certainly looks like he belongs. I wanted to see more of him following the Bears game, and apparently the coaches did too. Kenjon Barner got in on the fun, notching his first career touchdown as well and bumping his yards-per-carry average on the season up to 6.1. The Smallwood-Barner combo racked up 121 yards on 25 carries; that committee at running back works for me.

 

Doug Pederson

I want to play catch with him in my backyard. Formation deployment, design/creativity, play calling, game management (they still haven’t wasted a timeout) — you name it, it’s working. And the screen game of the Andy Reid era is back! I’m going to completely lose my shit when Doug calls a shovel pass inside the 5 for a touchdown. YOU KNOW IT’S COMING. [Editor’s note: I think the screen to Burton is the new shovel pass.]

Another thing with Doug that I’m sure we didn’t anticipate is that he’s a go-for-the-jugular coach. After recovering the fumble at midfield in the third quarter, he immediately called for a deep pass to DGB that should’ve been a touchdown, but the cornerback got his hand in and dislodged the ball as they fell to the ground. This team has an undeniable killer instinct on offense and defense, something that has been sorely lacking for quite some time. They’re forming a mean, alpha, step-on-your-throat identity.

 

Defense

After hearing all week that they had faced cupcakes the first two weeks and were going to get torched, the Eagles defense came in with a chip on their shoulder and had something to prove. They totally shut down the best offense in the league, somehow holding them without a touchdown and not allowing a single trip to the red zone after the first drive.

They also had the dreaded short week of preparation coming off a Monday night road game.

I kept waiting for Big Ben and Co. to get hot, but they couldn’t even get close to scoring in garbage time, which was essentially the last 20 minutes. They double-teamed Fletcher Cox and it never mattered. They could’ve tried to block him with all five offensive lineman and he still probably would’ve gotten to Roethlisberger. Connor Barwin, Vinny Curry and Brandon Graham gave Marcus Gilbert and Alejandro Villanueva fits. Graham, in particular, was a menace. He notched his third sack in as many games and recovered the fumble that Cox forced. Bennie Logan clogged the middle and set the tone by blocking the Steelers’ field goal attempt on their first drive. The entire front seven was stifling. DeAngelo Williams, who led the NFL in rushing, had 8 carries for 21 yards and was rendered useless before the Steelers were forced to abandon the run.

The secondary should’ve had four picks. Malcolm Jenkins was EVERYWHERE, while Rodney McLeod’s end zone interception was utterly ridiculous and among the most awesome plays you’ll ever see from a defensive back. There’s no better safety tandem in the league. It can’t be overstated how impressive the cornerbacks have been, despite being undermanned and, frankly, undertalented. Antonio Brown had 12 catches for 140 yards yet was a non-factor. Nolan Carroll was on point and has been lights out so far. Jalen Mills battled all game, and though I’m concerned about his speed on the outside, he only gave up one deep completion to Sammie Coates.

The defense has given up just two touchdowns (zero in the second half) and 23 points total. Jim Johnson Schwartz has these guys playing in a different stratosphere. I felt going into the season that this would be a definite top-10 unit; the question was whether they could be truly dominant and catapult into the top-5 conversation. They’ve answered the bell, emphatically.

https://twitter.com/JoshPaunil/status/780223036397989888

https://twitter.com/john_gonoude/status/780247407510622208

There are literally hundreds, if not thousands, more Tweets chronicling the defense’s absurd statistical achievements.

 

Ball Control

Another game, more time of possession domination (35 minutes) and zero turnovers. The offense hasn’t even come close to turning the ball over in three games and are just the seventh team to do so in NFL history.

I feel pretty confident saying the Eagles will continue this very-sustainable streak and be the first team ever to go through an entire season without committing a single turnover.

 

Offensive Line

The Eagles won this thing up front on both sides of the ball. We’re spoiled by the defensive line, but this was the offensive line’s first really strong game. Pass protection was superb from the jump, and, at least while watching in real time, it seemed like Jason Kelce bounced back. The Steelers’ pass rush is toothless (one sack in three games) and barely touched Wentz. He had all day in the pocket and took only one or two hits that made me wince. The line initially got no push in the run game, which was a flaming pile of wreckage in the first half, but, as has been the trend, kept hammering away and imposed their will on the opposing front seven in the second half.

First half: 8 carries for 31 yards (this includes 11- and 14-yard runs by Barner and Smallwood, respectively, and a 10-yard Wentz scramble).

Second half: 22 carries for 94 yards (two touchdowns).

To expand, here’s the Eagles’ total rushing stats (excluding scrambles) split up by halves:

First half: 31 carries for 109 yards (3.5 YPC), 0 touchdowns

Second half: 52 carries for 244 yards (4.7 YPC), 5 touchdowns

THE BAD

Um… uh… hmmm… hold on, I can find some stuff.

Forcing the ball to Josh Huff 

A clear objective for the offense early on was to get Josh Huff involved at all costs and calling a bunch of a bubble screens to him, only one of which worked, before shelving the strategy completely.

Penalties

Eagles committed 10 for 99 yards. Gotta clean that up.

Outlook for the rest of the NFC East over the next decade

Lol, suckers.

Bart Scott’s opinion

https://twitter.com/FINK_BOMB/status/780275545552654340

THE UGLY

Yinzers

I don’t hate the Steelers with the same passion as other Philadelphians (especially Penn Staters) since personally that’s all reserved for the Penguins and their fans. That said, get the fuck out of our city. It gave me immense satisfaction that all they could use their yellow hankies for in this game was to cover their heads in shame and wipe away the tears that result from being utterly humiliated and having nothing to cheer about for three-plus hours.

 

There’s no Eagles football again until October 8

We have to wait two weeks to see this evolving juggernaut in action again?? Ugh. I WANT MORE AND I WANT IT NOW!! *infinity sad faces*

 

The 2016 season is turning into something magical. Embrace it, love it, go with it, cherish it. This is only beginning! The Eagles aren’t just legit, they’re bona fide contenders. They lead the league in points scored and points allowed, turnover margin, time of possession and are one of two undefeated teams in the NFC (Vikings). Over 75% of teams to start 3-0 make the playoffs. The goal now isn’t just to make the playoffs and win the division, it’s — I can’t believe I’m typing this — home field advantage.