Is This The Most Unathletic Photo Ever?

Kyle Scott - October 4, 2016

Photo: Mark Stehle, AP

The good folks over at NRG Energy, longtime friends of the site, Eagles sponsors and partners of Connor Barwin, hosted a media flag football game at The Linc yesterday. I’ll spare you the 2,500-word recap, but I’d like to call your attention to this photo (as well as some others), featuring, from left-to-right, Phillies beat writer Ryan Lawrence, me, KYW anchor Dan Wing, and Julie Hancher of Green Philly. It would appear that three humans are battling with one ape to obtain an object of some intrinsic value before it unceremoniously crashes into the (shockingly hard and slightly unkempt) turf. What’s actually happening is stud defender breaks up pass intended for Wing (whom I believe won MVP last year) while he’s illegally blocked by Lawrence as Hancher attempts to save face for three pathetic males by actually catching the goddamn thing. Or, if you prefer, a pasty blogger commits pass interference in a flag football game:

All photos are courtesy of Mark Stehle

My team, consisting of me, 6 ABC’s Jeff Skversky, the AP’s Rob Maaddi, Philly Business Journal’s Alison Burdo, WXTU’s Andie Summer’s, and Philly.com’s Rob Tornoe, coached by Bill Bergey, was not good. We finished just off the podium in fourth… out of four teams. We lost our first game to the silver team here, led by Technical.ly’s Zack Seward, who was the only guy to wear the headband they gave us, which immediately signaled one of two things– 1) he’s a goofball who’s comically bad at football, or 2) he’s shockingly good and is going to make a meme out of me. It was the latter:

Not that far-fetched, since I came very close to getting one on this play:

Catching a touchdown here. Note the eyes looking to the goal line and complete spatial awareness with oncoming defenders. Ignore the fact that I look like a goddamn simpleton exerting any sort of effort:

Next is my run for paydirt, but absent is my leaping a defender in a single bound not unlike LeSean McCoy in the Snow Bowl… which totally happened without me sheepishly giving myself up and running out of bounds 10 yards short of the goal line in the direction of Dave Spadaro, who MC’ed the event and once called me Ricky Watters for short-arming a pass over the middle. For who, for what… is that stupid-ass look on my face:

Maestro and Toon Man:

Juke move brings all the boys (and girls) to the yard– a blogger showdown with Philly Mag’s Brandon Lee Gowton and a trailing Natalie Egenolf:

Was it worth the price of admission, Natalie?

We are just going to pretend that BLG held onto this ball and commando rolled into the end zone for six:

WHY DO I MAKE THESE FACES?

Natalie Hands strikes again as team grey scores one of its many few touchdowns:

#squadgoals:

Good job by NRG putting on the event– $1,000 got donated to each participant’s charity of choice (mine was Special Olympics Pennsylvania), with $5,000 going to the MVP’s– which was Generocity’s Tony Abraham, who donated to CHOP.

Here are the video highlights:

78 Comments

  • Kyle's toothpick legsz October 4, 2016 at 2:40 pm

    It’s funny that a 6’11 250 pound professional athlete broke his foot but I’m just fine

    Reply
    • Bob October 4, 2016 at 2:54 pm

      Eli…i mean Kyle….. i really appreciate your shamless attempts at brownnosing, name dropping, ‘sniffing’, ass kissing and self promotion.
      But this is the most useless ‘bragging about myself’ article you have written about yet.
      Thanks for the large over the top number of SHIT…i mean useless pictures.
      Do all of your ‘media friends’ know about your brownnosign ass kissing and shit sniffing attempts?
      Or are they used to your patronizing them with shitty article….on a daily basis in an obvious attempt to garner their favor?
      ……….
      Why don’t you just put kim kardashian’s bare ass on this site and make your transformation complete “DARTH SHITIOUS”?
      Maybe you can just replace the pictures of your head with a dogpile?

      Reply
    • mt October 4, 2016 at 3:45 pm

      anything for page views

      Reply
    • 1 of the 3 people who watch breakfast on broad October 4, 2016 at 4:24 pm

      kyle kind of looks like the texas tech head coach.
      also where are the BOB girls at???

      Reply
      • Spike Eskin October 4, 2016 at 11:53 pm

        Can we talk about Justice Rescue?

        Reply
        • Hot tub johnny October 5, 2016 at 6:09 am

          What happened to Spuds comment about kyles package?

          Reply
  • what October 4, 2016 at 2:48 pm

    Anyone have a tl;dr? Wow.

    Reply
    • Sharty Shart McShartface October 4, 2016 at 3:59 pm

      Just another humble brag by Kyle.

      Reply
  • cheesedick October 4, 2016 at 2:54 pm

    can’t believe you wore a watch. violation. honest question….you ever play flag football before?? cause honestly it doesn’t look like it. you look scared out there.

    Reply
    • Bob October 4, 2016 at 4:47 pm

      That’s because he’s afraid that misshapen constipated beard/roid guy’s ass
      will explode on him.

      Reply
    • Chip Kelly October 4, 2016 at 6:20 pm

      well it is the j e w i s h league

      Reply
  • Sal Pal October 4, 2016 at 2:56 pm

    Rob Maaddi is a spitting image of the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.

    Reply
  • Rick mahorn October 4, 2016 at 2:58 pm

    Natalie Egenolf makes my c*ck sneeze

    Reply
    • Reggie Noble October 5, 2016 at 12:35 am

      That ass just continues to grow, in another 10 months she’ll look like Roseanne Barr from the waist down

      Reply
  • Thug Culture Guns Down Scheme October 4, 2016 at 3:00 pm

    Dan McQuade is f’n awesome. And these pictures, they prove it.

    Reply
    • William Rhodes October 4, 2016 at 3:13 pm

      The downfield blocking is impressive.

      Reply
  • gerg October 4, 2016 at 3:06 pm

    should’ve sent jim

    Reply
  • CB Veteran October 4, 2016 at 3:07 pm

    Comments should be good on this one

    Reply
    • spo October 4, 2016 at 3:58 pm

      he’s deleting them

      Reply
      • my wife cuckolds me October 4, 2016 at 4:00 pm

        That pussy sure is

        Reply
        • Bob October 4, 2016 at 4:45 pm

          Aw man…kyle has to watch while rayjay services his “lady”?
          That’s cold blooded man…….
          Kyle is like the cleveland browns of the NFL.
          No respect…but he shows up anyway.

          Reply
        • Thug Culture Guns Down Scheme October 4, 2016 at 4:57 pm

          He is. What a dirtbag.

          Reply
          • Sal Pal October 4, 2016 at 8:30 pm

            I agree

  • Benny Blanco October 4, 2016 at 3:29 pm

    75% of the kids in Somalia have more meat on their bones than you. Good god, dude. Get something to eat.

    Reply
  • Innes' Failed Diet October 4, 2016 at 3:36 pm

    It’s amazing what you’ll poke your head out of your basement for. Go to an event and be expected to do work, “I’ll just copy and paste what the real journalists write” but given the chance to play grab ass with a bunch of dudes and you jump at the chance.

    Reply
    • Leanard Tose and Ed Snider October 4, 2016 at 5:11 pm

      Even I think that’s funny
      and i’m dead!

      Reply
      • Get it right October 4, 2016 at 8:32 pm

        *Leonard

        Reply
  • Starvin' Marvin October 4, 2016 at 3:56 pm

    Surprised yo’re that thin with all the dick you eat…

    Reply
    • dave spadaro October 4, 2016 at 4:22 pm

      that’s pretty good

      Reply
    • Bob October 4, 2016 at 4:46 pm

      aw man that’s a good one.

      Reply
  • Tags October 4, 2016 at 3:59 pm

    Who won

    Reply
  • Kyle = Skeletor October 4, 2016 at 4:05 pm

    Kyle donated to the Special Olympics? He looks like he should be competing in the Special Olympics.

    Reply
  • Kyle Scott October 4, 2016 at 4:40 pm

    I can delete whatever i want.
    All i do is press a button that someone else set up for me.
    I mean i don’t know about actual programming or anything.
    I’m the webmaster!
    BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!
    PS: SUCK IT!

    Reply
  • Bob October 4, 2016 at 4:43 pm

    Seriously Kyle. Your even more chicken hawkish that the elli manning jersey guy who got
    a beatdown in the subway in Fall 2015.
    I mean i don’t really care.
    But you should at least be able to defend yourself (and no use the ‘light’ app on your iphone
    doesn’t count as ‘self defense’).
    I guess the forensic department could always take skins samples from under your nails
    after you take your beating.
    It a shame really.
    Why did you let it get this far?
    EAT SOME &*#*(&*$ real food nerd boy.

    Reply
  • Got An STD at Mitchie Tools' Tool Shop October 4, 2016 at 5:07 pm

    the shot of kyle throwing the ball tells his has a small wiener

    on a shot like that where the mesh shorts are youd be able to get an outline of a dick but you cant with kyle because its either not there or really small

    whenever i where those shorts you can easily see my hog because im a man with one

    kyle is either packing nothing or was born with no genetalia which explains why hes such a fucking c u n t

    Reply
    • Kyle Scott October 4, 2016 at 5:22 pm

      Why were you looking?

      Reply
      • Sal Pal October 4, 2016 at 8:34 pm

        I agree

        Reply
      • Hot tub johnny October 5, 2016 at 6:12 am

        You shouldn’t delete comments about your small package, you can’t be that thin skinned.

        Reply
    • Jeff Lurie October 4, 2016 at 5:28 pm

      once again. another cold blooded funny…but true….post.

      all made possible by another narcissistic media whore post by Kyle.

      Kyle you need to do this at least once a week.

      Reply
    • Spike Eskin October 4, 2016 at 11:56 pm

      Dave Spadaro,
      Any thoughts?

      Reply
  • John Missanelli OBGYN October 4, 2016 at 5:17 pm

    Seriously? Not only is this post horrendous, but you wore a f*cking Apple Watch to a game?!?! My god

    Reply
    • Innes' Failed Diet October 5, 2016 at 8:50 am

      When you are a personality and talent devoid scumbag it is all about the material status symbols.

      Reply
  • Sean Braces dead brother October 4, 2016 at 5:26 pm

    Kyle is deleting any comments regarding the appearance of the females in this post FYI.

    Reply
    • Jeff Lurie October 4, 2016 at 5:33 pm

      I wish he would delete the whole freakish article.
      Now i’m going to have nightmare’s tonight and i still haven’t
      watch ‘wives with knives’, ‘stalked’ and ‘i know who killed me’ on the
      ID channel tonight.

      Reply
    • Hot tub johnny October 5, 2016 at 6:13 am

      Also any comment about his smaller than average penis

      Reply
  • Marshall Harrish October 4, 2016 at 5:30 pm

    I would have dominated this game then left with all the white women.

    Reply
    • Kyle Scott October 4, 2016 at 5:40 pm

      Or me.

      Reply
  • Jeff Lurie October 4, 2016 at 5:35 pm

    WOW MAN!
    I’m surprised these ‘media’ people can type at all with those pork sausage fingers.
    I really hope they had some stretchers on the sidelines for these
    out of shape #&*ucks!

    Reply
  • Jeff Lurie October 4, 2016 at 5:39 pm

    The guy with the misshaped head should have just said fuck it and arm barred kyle across the throat
    and ended the whole miserable game.
    Bergey was the person in the best shape and he looks like he’s just went 2 rounds
    with a couple of pitchers and 3 schmitter’s.

    Reply
  • The Fake Police Guy who robbed Kim Kardashian October 4, 2016 at 5:43 pm

    if you want to raise some serious money for charity, why don’t
    you and your jamokes ‘media friends’ (are these the ones you steal articles from?)
    just goto wing bowl, line up and let people throw tomatoes ate you for
    10$ a pop. You’ll make thousands!

    Reply
  • Mikey misss October 4, 2016 at 5:46 pm

    I have to send jeff skeversy another can of my black hair polish. Jaimie apody would have been kicking ass out there.

    Reply
  • Tiki bobs October 4, 2016 at 6:44 pm

    Who won the pussy eating contest afterwards?

    Reply
  • Mandatory MCW post October 4, 2016 at 6:44 pm

    You know I’m a sensitive gal. What are you going to do. Pelt me with Primo’s in the town square. Silent Bro told the masses. Let he who is without sin throw the first hoagie.

    Reply
  • Got An STD at Mitchie Tools' Tool Shop October 4, 2016 at 7:44 pm

    anyone see the photo of mcw this morning on 975 twitter

    good lord no wonder she settled for a 350 lb tub of italian meat

    Reply
    • johnmatrix October 5, 2016 at 12:27 pm

      ever notice all of the promo shots of gargano are at least 10-12 yeras old?

      Reply
  • Phinneas T. Sploogeguzzler October 4, 2016 at 8:17 pm

    Any word on captain obvious and that other dude’s high school injury? Tell me more, pumpkins.

    Reply
    • Captain Obvious October 4, 2016 at 8:38 pm

      Mine was 10 weeks sans surgery. Ben’s is 12 weeks with surgery. This is where you realize your satire backfired.

      No onto shit that matters – My God this team will be eminently better when Ben is playing 35 minutes a game and McConnell is tarring driveways. Saric is a player.

      Reply
  • It's says there's 60 comments October 4, 2016 at 8:45 pm

    But I counted 50, hmmm…….

    Reply
  • Put them on the glass October 4, 2016 at 10:06 pm

    Baby got back

    Reply
  • Danny Thomas' coffee table October 5, 2016 at 12:50 am

    1. Jesus Christ, join a gym.
    2. Did spuds address the pecker checker references to you?

    Thanks, I’ll hang up and listen.

    Reply
    • Dave spadaro October 5, 2016 at 6:21 am

      Yes, extensively. I wrote about Kyle’s buldge in some of the photos. Even whilst wearing compression shorts, you should still have some buldge or outline of your shaft, Kyle has neither. I would guess he is less than 2 inches soft, and just under 5 hard.

      Reply
  • Rod King October 5, 2016 at 10:56 am

    Are those legs or a couple of threads hanging from your shorts?

    Reply
  • MM October 5, 2016 at 11:34 am

    You shoulda borrowed Jim’s sweatpants to cover up your toothpicks, the horror

    Reply
  • Nike October 5, 2016 at 4:18 pm

    Who the hell wears Under Armour shoes first of all? Only nonathletic wanna-be’s whose moms shop for them at Kohls.
    Even the sponsorship of Tom Brady and other pros can’t make the kids who wear that garbage look cool.

    Reply
  • Sporting Wood October 6, 2016 at 12:40 am

    This post was a colossal waste of time. Who even gives a shit about these media “celebrities”?

    Reply
  • Scott's Tots October 9, 2016 at 5:10 pm

    Which JCC flag football event are these photos from?

    Reply
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