Is This The Most Unathletic Photo Ever?

Photo: Mark Stehle, AP

The good folks over at NRG Energy, longtime friends of the site, Eagles sponsors and partners of Connor Barwin, hosted a media flag football game at The Linc yesterday. I’ll spare you the 2,500-word recap, but I’d like to call your attention to this photo (as well as some others), featuring, from left-to-right, Phillies beat writer Ryan Lawrence, me, KYW anchor Dan Wing, and Julie Hancher of Green Philly. It would appear that three humans are battling with one ape to obtain an object of some intrinsic value before it unceremoniously crashes into the (shockingly hard and slightly unkempt) turf. What’s actually happening is stud defender breaks up pass intended for Wing (whom I believe won MVP last year) while he’s illegally blocked by Lawrence as Hancher attempts to save face for three pathetic males by actually catching the goddamn thing. Or, if you prefer, a pasty blogger commits pass interference in a flag football game:

All photos are courtesy of Mark Stehle

My team, consisting of me, 6 ABC’s Jeff Skversky, the AP’s Rob Maaddi, Philly Business Journal’s Alison Burdo, WXTU’s Andie Summer’s, and’s Rob Tornoe, coached by Bill Bergey, was not good. We finished just off the podium in fourth… out of four teams. We lost our first game to the silver team here, led by’s Zack Seward, who was the only guy to wear the headband they gave us, which immediately signaled one of two things– 1) he’s a goofball who’s comically bad at football, or 2) he’s shockingly good and is going to make a meme out of me. It was the latter:

Not that far-fetched, since I came very close to getting one on this play:

Catching a touchdown here. Note the eyes looking to the goal line and complete spatial awareness with oncoming defenders. Ignore the fact that I look like a goddamn simpleton exerting any sort of effort:

Next is my run for paydirt, but absent is my leaping a defender in a single bound not unlike LeSean McCoy in the Snow Bowl… which totally happened without me sheepishly giving myself up and running out of bounds 10 yards short of the goal line in the direction of Dave Spadaro, who MC’ed the event and once called me Ricky Watters for short-arming a pass over the middle. For who, for what… is that stupid-ass look on my face:

Maestro and Toon Man:

Juke move brings all the boys (and girls) to the yard– a blogger showdown with Philly Mag’s Brandon Lee Gowton and a trailing Natalie Egenolf:

Was it worth the price of admission, Natalie?

We are just going to pretend that BLG held onto this ball and commando rolled into the end zone for six:


Natalie Hands strikes again as team grey scores one of its many few touchdowns:


Good job by NRG putting on the event– $1,000 got donated to each participant’s charity of choice (mine was Special Olympics Pennsylvania), with $5,000 going to the MVP’s– which was Generocity’s Tony Abraham, who donated to CHOP.

Here are the video highlights:

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78 Responses

    1. Eli…i mean Kyle….. i really appreciate your shamless attempts at brownnosing, name dropping, ‘sniffing’, ass kissing and self promotion.
      But this is the most useless ‘bragging about myself’ article you have written about yet.
      Thanks for the large over the top number of SHIT…i mean useless pictures.
      Do all of your ‘media friends’ know about your brownnosign ass kissing and shit sniffing attempts?
      Or are they used to your patronizing them with shitty article….on a daily basis in an obvious attempt to garner their favor?
      Why don’t you just put kim kardashian’s bare ass on this site and make your transformation complete “DARTH SHITIOUS”?
      Maybe you can just replace the pictures of your head with a dogpile?

    2. kyle kind of looks like the texas tech head coach.
      also where are the BOB girls at???

  1. can’t believe you wore a watch. violation. honest question….you ever play flag football before?? cause honestly it doesn’t look like it. you look scared out there.

        1. Aw man…kyle has to watch while rayjay services his “lady”?
          That’s cold blooded man…….
          Kyle is like the cleveland browns of the NFL.
          No respect…but he shows up anyway.

  2. It’s amazing what you’ll poke your head out of your basement for. Go to an event and be expected to do work, “I’ll just copy and paste what the real journalists write” but given the chance to play grab ass with a bunch of dudes and you jump at the chance.

  3. I can delete whatever i want.
    All i do is press a button that someone else set up for me.
    I mean i don’t know about actual programming or anything.
    I’m the webmaster!
    PS: SUCK IT!

  4. Seriously Kyle. Your even more chicken hawkish that the elli manning jersey guy who got
    a beatdown in the subway in Fall 2015.
    I mean i don’t really care.
    But you should at least be able to defend yourself (and no use the ‘light’ app on your iphone
    doesn’t count as ‘self defense’).
    I guess the forensic department could always take skins samples from under your nails
    after you take your beating.
    It a shame really.
    Why did you let it get this far?
    EAT SOME &*#*(&*$ real food nerd boy.

  5. the shot of kyle throwing the ball tells his has a small wiener

    on a shot like that where the mesh shorts are youd be able to get an outline of a dick but you cant with kyle because its either not there or really small

    whenever i where those shorts you can easily see my hog because im a man with one

    kyle is either packing nothing or was born with no genetalia which explains why hes such a fucking c u n t

    1. once again. another cold blooded funny…but true….post.

      all made possible by another narcissistic media whore post by Kyle.

      Kyle you need to do this at least once a week.

    1. I wish he would delete the whole freakish article.
      Now i’m going to have nightmare’s tonight and i still haven’t
      watch ‘wives with knives’, ‘stalked’ and ‘i know who killed me’ on the
      ID channel tonight.

  6. WOW MAN!
    I’m surprised these ‘media’ people can type at all with those pork sausage fingers.
    I really hope they had some stretchers on the sidelines for these
    out of shape #&*ucks!

  7. The guy with the misshaped head should have just said fuck it and arm barred kyle across the throat
    and ended the whole miserable game.
    Bergey was the person in the best shape and he looks like he’s just went 2 rounds
    with a couple of pitchers and 3 schmitter’s.

  8. if you want to raise some serious money for charity, why don’t
    you and your jamokes ‘media friends’ (are these the ones you steal articles from?)
    just goto wing bowl, line up and let people throw tomatoes ate you for
    10$ a pop. You’ll make thousands!

  9. I have to send jeff skeversy another can of my black hair polish. Jaimie apody would have been kicking ass out there.

  10. You know I’m a sensitive gal. What are you going to do. Pelt me with Primo’s in the town square. Silent Bro told the masses. Let he who is without sin throw the first hoagie.

  11. anyone see the photo of mcw this morning on 975 twitter

    good lord no wonder she settled for a 350 lb tub of italian meat

    1. Mine was 10 weeks sans surgery. Ben’s is 12 weeks with surgery. This is where you realize your satire backfired.

      No onto shit that matters – My God this team will be eminently better when Ben is playing 35 minutes a game and McConnell is tarring driveways. Saric is a player.

  12. 1. Jesus Christ, join a gym.
    2. Did spuds address the pecker checker references to you?

    Thanks, I’ll hang up and listen.

    1. Yes, extensively. I wrote about Kyle’s buldge in some of the photos. Even whilst wearing compression shorts, you should still have some buldge or outline of your shaft, Kyle has neither. I would guess he is less than 2 inches soft, and just under 5 hard.

  13. Who the hell wears Under Armour shoes first of all? Only nonathletic wanna-be’s whose moms shop for them at Kohls.
    Even the sponsorship of Tom Brady and other pros can’t make the kids who wear that garbage look cool.

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