Here’s a most ghoulish Halloween tale!

This is the Doug Pederson we feared. This is the guy– the dopey, situationally unaware goofball who blows a game with a head-scratching decision. Or, in this case, decisions.

I’ve written the last two weeks about end-of-half (and game) clock management decisions that could’ve cost the Eagles dearly. I said that eventually Doug Pederson’s lack of basic common sense would screw the Eagles. One week later, here we are, and, bonus!, it came on Sunday Night Football for the whole country to see… or whatever portion of the country still watches full out-of-market NFL games.

Let’s count it down!

6) Throwing to Trey Burton on a critical third down

This is the most defensible decision and maybe it’s a little unfair to critique, but Doug didn’t earn himself any benefit of the doubt last night. The Eagles’ second to last series of the fourth quarter was abysmal. They started with the ball on their own 25 with over three minutes to go in a tie game. Here’s what followed:

An eight-yard run by Darren Sproles, the Eagles’ only reliable offensive player of the night.

A poorly thrown screen pass to Jordan Matthews that was poorly blocked and poorly executed for a loss of 2.

A five yard out route to Trey Burton, the Eagles’ third tight end, who was lined up as a wide receiver and appeared to be the first or second read on the play, which was incomplete.

Punt.

Doug’s East-West offense is bad enough, but throw in poor execution on a screen pass and a decision to line up Trey Burton (whom I actually like!) as a wide receiver on the biggest play of the game (until that point) and you have a recipe for failure. Your four minute offense – or just your offense in general – is supposed to move the ball forward. Every single play the Eagles ran on this drive had more lateral movement than vertical movement.

5) Clock management at end of half

This is another one that didn’t hurt them because they wound up with a 55 yard field goal from Caleb Sturgis (more on that in a second!), but the Eagles wasted 40 seconds running two plays at the end of the second quarter, opting to not call their final timeout until after a completion to DGB, who failed to get out of bounds. This was a combination of questionable clock management and poor execution– the Eagles had two completions to the sidelines that both failed to stop the clock. They were barely able to get off the long field goal attempt – needing the officials to add a second back to the clock – and probably could’ve ran another play to make the attempt more manageable had they taken the timeout earlier.

4) A wide receiver pass up 7 late in the game

Here’s where we get into the clusterfuck portion of our post. WHAT IN THE MOTHERFUCK IS THIS?

You don’t throw the ball downfield or even forward all game long and now, NOW you decide to air it out and go for the toucdown, with a fucking dangerous wide receiver pass that could’ve undone one of your few good drives of the game, when you’re up seven, in the fourth quarter, and are moving the ball down the field and taking time off the clock? No! The Eagles are running screen passes and sweeps like they’re going out of style, and the one time Doug attempts to get even a little bit aggressive he lets Josh Huff(!) throw the ball.

3) Not taking a timeout after late sack

This is another one of those situations where Pederson failed to understand the odds. You have the Cowboys backed up in their own zone, it’s third and 28, there are 25 seconds to go, you have all three timeouts. CALL ONE AND FORCE THE COWBOYS TO MAKE A PLAY! Chances are they don’t get 28 yards and are forced to punt to your one legitimate weapon, Darren Sproles. You likely wind up with decent field position and are 1-2 throws away from a long Caleb Sturgis field goal attempt to win the game.

2) Not kicking a 53-yard field goal up 7

OH HELLO HE ALREADY COULD’VE HAD ONE! Yet again just not understanding that a medium-risk field goal attempt from a distance your kicker already hit from earlier in the game (twice!) is a better option than punting the ball away and playing the fucking field position game.

After the game, Pederson said he felt the defense had some momentum going and thought punting was the better option. I’m sorry, this is not where you coach on feel. You coach on feel when you feel like a wide receiver has a step on a cornerback and decide to take a shot. You coach on feel when you think blitzing a tired line and shaken QB could lead to a turnover. You coach on feel when put your best player in to return a key punt. You DON’T coach on feel when simple math tells you that you’re actually making the wrong goddamn call and you’re going to give the other team the ball back in a one-score game.

1) Throwing behind the line of scrimmage

This, to me, was worse than not kicking the field goal. Doug Pederson, pioneer of the wedding dance offense, elects to throw a swing pass SIX YARDS BEHIND THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE for a loss of four on third down with the Eagles in field goal range. This is the play the makes the decision to attempt the field goal or punt even happen. There is simply no excuse for this. None. It’s the wrong call. Either run the ball up the middle or to Sturgis’ preferred hash, or try a short pass. But you do not, under any circumstances, put the ball in the backfield and give the defense a chance to take you out of field goal range.

After the game, Pederson said the play was designed for the type of defense the Cowboys were lined up in and blamed execution(!!!) for its failure to work. That is one of the most maddening things I’ve ever heard a coach say. EXECUTION? Fuck you! It was a poorly designed play called at one of the worst times possible, when a simple three-yard run would’ve given you a roughly 46-yard field goal attempt to go up two scores. Unbelieveable.

This is what we all worried about. Doug’s scheming has, mostly, helped the Eagles to a winning record. He seems to get the most out of his players and does a decent job of delegating to his assistants. But with Doug it’s always been about whether he would bring the worst of Andy Reid with him. Here he is! Here’s the guy who defended an eight-mintue drill with the Chiefs. Here’s the guy who didn’t know that he could have more than two channels in his headset and talk to the quarterback directly. Here’s the guy who made curious, incorrect timeout decisions the last two weeks. Here’s the guy who is trying fucking gadget plays in the face of common sense and then punting to the other fucking team when a field goal effectively wins you the game. GODDAMMIT, DOUG! Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.