Is Brock Stassi Philly’s New Everyman™?

Photo Credit: Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

One of my predictions is already coming true: Brock Stassi is making a very strong push to be the Phillies’ version of the Everyman™. First, his story went viral as a 33rd round draft pick who toiled in the minors for six years and then wept upon making the big league roster. Then, on his first chartered team flight, he did not act like he’d been there before:

“Unbelievable. The food on the plane. I was crushing a lot of that. The first day I ate like eight plates of sushi before the plane even took off. It’s been crazy. Charter flights are awesome and it makes all those long bus rides in the minor leagues worth it. For sure. For sure.”

When in Rome, do as the Romans do, and when on your first chartered team flight, act like Kevin McCallister in New York and load up on as much fancy food as you can until they stop you. The difference between gas station beef jerky on a long-ass bus ride and fancy-ass sushi on a chartered MLB team plane is probably something Stassi didn’t even think about while he was striving to make the bigs. He just wanted to get on the field. But now that it’s his turn, maybe he should take it a little easy on the plane fish. I can’t imagine the sushi-induced air poops.

Kyle: Howie Roseman can.

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17 Responses

          1. If you guys don’t stop this, I am going to take my dumb ass comments else where! Try me!

  1. Haven’t we talked about your ‘impulse’ article writing?
    It’s shitty as usual.

    I sound proofed your basement dungeon room so you and your ‘friends’
    can have fun in peace…..just like we talked about.
    When are you going to move the fuck out?
    Oh…i forgot your a irresponsible millennial with no prospects.

    Why did my son have to be a chicken hawk low paying job hipster dufus?

    1. Take a hike, pal! This article’s comments sections are all about me! ME!! ME!!

  2. don’t forget, ugly, stupid good for nothing, Newport smellin, manbun wearing, lazy dooooooosch

  3. seems like the “times yours ” segment is an everyday thing!!!! this is innovative radio, thanks spike

    1. You’re not funny.
      You’re just a corny fuckwad who gets no pussy at the parties….if you’re even invited.

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