That’s it. Pete Rose is dead. An allegation from 40 years ago has killed him.

How do you know you’re toxic? You’re too much of a shithead that they can’t even roast you in good conscience.

Joe Conklin’s Philly Sports Roast of Pete Rose, scheduled for August 10, has been canceled. Here’s the statement from Conklin, undoubtedly read in Dan Baker’s voice:

Due to recent developments with Pete Rose, the Philly Sports Roast, on August 10, has been cancelled.  All ticket purchases will be refunded in full.  We thank you very much for your understanding.  Joe Conklin

Thank you, and enjoy the ballgame!

Pete Rose is cooked.