I’m down the Shore this week, which means I subject myself to the relative misery of watching the Phillies just because it’s background noise and a reasonable compromise in a house full of people. Congrats to the Phillies– they’re the lowest common denominator!

Anyway, Rhys Hoskins’ golf-ball home run yesterday was something to behold. His home run swing is positively delicious. Like if Scott Rolen met Pat Burrell met every right-handed power hitter the Yankees had from the late 90s to the early oughts. That shit’s natural, yo, and, suddenly, the Nick Williams-Rhys Hoskins-Aaron Nola triumvirate gives us something to watch. Unlike that hacking wastebag Maikel Franco, who has the approach of a caffeinated child playing teeball on a thick gym mat.

Phillies baseball, like the rest of Philly sports, seems to be trending up.

Let’s hit it!

 

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The roundup:

While we’re on the subject of the Phillies, they may be heeding Russ’ podcast advice and moving a young non-third baseman to third base, because of the aforementioned Franco shittiness and why not? From Todd Zolecki:

J.P. Crawford is moving to third base, at least temporarily to find him playing time next month in the big leagues.

He started at third base Sunday evening with Triple-A Lehigh Valley. It is the first time Crawford, who is the No. 61 prospect in baseball according to MLBPipeline.com, has played anywhere other than shortstop in 503 career Minor League games.

“It’s just about versatility,” Phillies assistant general manager Ned Rice said before Sunday’s series finale against the Giants at AT&T Park. “It benefits the player and benefits the team when more guys are able to play multiple positions. It just gives Pete [Mackanin] a lot more options at the big league level. The more guys we can bring up who have been exposed to different positions, the better.”

Things are going to get zany.

 

Ben Simmons has been positively dickish to Ronnie 2k – NBA 2k’s Twitter czar – about his rating:

So just why do players care so much about their ratings? Hoops Hype addressed that question and included an excerpt that sounds a lot like it’s describing Simmons (79) being upset about Markelle Fultz (80) being rated higher than him:

While players would never admit this publicly, some have gotten mad when a specific teammate is rated higher than them in the game. Players are extremely competitive and they know their teammates’ game better than anyone, so it frustrates them when they wholeheartedly believe that they’re the better player but have a lower overall rating.

In one instance, an Eastern Conference player recently direct messaged Singh on Twitter campaigning for his 2K18 rating to be higher than his star teammate because he’s been dominating offseason workouts and pick-up games.

…

“There are about 50 individual attributes that make up a player’s overall rating,” Stauffer explained. “There’s this myth that I just pick a player’s overall rating; some people think I just look at, say, Kevin Durant and decide, ‘Hmm, Kevin Durant’s overall rating is a 96!’ No. I’m entering in about 50 individual attributes and there’s an overall formula that factors those in along with things like position and player type and that’s what determines these overall ratings. Some people will say, ‘Hey, he should be a 93! How can he be a 96?’ The answer lies in the individual attributes.

“We try to make the individual attributes as accurate as possible by watching a ton of games and clips to evaluate each player. We’re watching games and clips every single night. We also mine through stats – and there are so many statistics and advanced analytics available these days, even compared to just five years ago. We have more information than ever these days, so it’s important that we get this right.”

I actually put a lot of stock in video game ratings, because it is probably the most advanced system for comparing players to each other based on the sum total of their skills. Who else is doing this sort of complex ranking? No one. There are, of course, many other factors that go into on-court success, but sports video game ratings represent the most data-intensive research into player abilities.

Speaking of, the Madden Club Championship sounds excellent:

 

A long, in-depth article about whether e-sports and UFC are fads or here to stay. [I think e-sports are here to stay. UFC, on the other hand, just feels like a barbaric sport that one day we will look back on the way we look at jousting.]

 

Jose Canseco continues to get weirder:

 

I know Bonnie Tyler is doing something today, but quite honestly her publicist should be doing more. This is her last chance. How has she not been on every morning, mid-day, late-night and weekend show for the past month promoting her big comeback with the cosmos? Shockingly inept on their part. Really disappointed in this. That goes for The Dan Band, too.

Yes, don’t look at it.

Unless it’s Jojo:

Or if you’re at the Little League World Series, where they’re handing out 30,000 glasses for eclipse viewing.

 

https://twitter.com/barstoolsports/status/899318328648454144

 

What took them so long?

 

Swell.

 

Especially if you jerk off the ball.

 

A reader confirms our Jon Runyan report:

He picked me and my girlfriend up in Northern Liberties in May. Still have the screenshot of the Uber driver pickup profile.

 

What’s inside a pimple?

 

The Pacers have accused the Lakers of tampering.

 

LeGarrette Blount might not make the Eagles.

 

I fuckin’ need you more than ever.

 

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