I love Twitter. It’s the absolute best. It is the perfect way to get information, share thoughts, and interact with others who share similar interests. As sports fans, Twitter is great because it also provides us with a front-row seat to the insights and online interactions of current and former athletes. And sometimes, if we’re really lucky, we get to witness the insights and interactions between two absolutely BATSHIT crazy lunatics who feed off attention. I’m talking about like, say, a former Eagle first-round bust asking a former 1993 NL MVP runner-up and convicted felon why his former employer doesn’t like him batshit crazy.

Thus, I present to you, with commentary, the budding friendship playing out before our eyes via Twitter between Freddie Mitchell and Lenny Dykstra. Here is the tweet that got our attention:

As Chris Jastrzembski asked last night, why the Hell would Freddie Mitchell ask Lenny Dykstra, of all people, why the Eagles hate him so much? Because I fancy myself the people’s reporter, I decided to find out. Although yesterday’s bizarre exchange marked the bulk of interaction between the two, it seems the pair actually began bonding last week when Dykstra fired off this timely and nuanced tweet about Hurricane Irma:

Perfect. This tweet has all the major ingredients in what you’d expect in a situation like this. If you asked me to describe the ideal tweet from Dykstra to Mitchell, I would have definitely said it must include using a natural disaster in which people lost everything they ever worked for to take a random shot at Donovan McNabb. It also, for absolutely no reason, must include a Brett Myers mention. It’s truly an impeccable tweet in every way possible. A+ effort here by Lenny. Mitchell, for his part, appreciated it:

Now, I don’t want to misrepresent Lenny Dykstra as insensitive because, well, that would simply be unfair.


Dykstra is 100% right. As you can see, the storm actually provided local residents with an opportunity to get out and try new things. Surprisingly, some weren’t pleased with Dykstra’s viewpoint, which, as you would expect, he brushed off by insulting their profile pictures and lack of Twitter followers:

There was some other standard banter, including more on McNabb and if Dykstra would sleep with Lena Dunham, before things finally settled down. Fast forward to yesterday when the two, for whatever reason, discussed Mitchell throwing out the first pitch at a Phillies game and Lenny being a kickoff tee retriever at an Eagles game:

To which Mitchell responded with another shot directed towards McNabb:

Bonus points to Mitchell for the high school girl-style subtweet at McNabb here. I admire both his relentless narcissism and uncanny ability to continually blame McNabb for his professional failures. Mitchell sort of reminds me of Steve Buscemi’s character from Billy Madison:

A conversation about the differences between football and baseball players ensued before Dykstra did the only thing really left to do here, which was evoke the wise words of American football hero and comedic actor O.J. Simpson:

Which then led to Dykstra providing encouragement to Mitchell, who is apparently interested in penning an autobiography:

Spoken like the next Hemingway, Lenny. Given Mitchell’s 1,767 Twitter followers, it sounds like everyone is quite eager to get their hands on a copy. Get ready for the stampede of seven people lining up at Barnes & Noble for the book signing.

BREAKING: I thought that’s where the story would end, but wait—there’s MORE. As I’m writing this, it appears that Dykstra is scheming up a media empire that will blow you away! Britt McHenry, Curt Schilling, Freddie Mitchell, and Lenny Dykstra. Maybe they can Skype in Darren Sharper for some hot NFL takes, too.

Twitter, man. The best.