With the Eagles being in the Super Bowl comes an endless supply of nonsensical emails from PR flacks trying to glom on to the big game. Some are league partners – like Bud Light – while others are some far-flung group doing its best to capitalize on the moment.

All of them found their way into my inbox.

In case you’re wondering why I’m so bad at responding to, well, basically everybody, you try digging through this shit on a daily basis.

Here now, just a small sampling of the shit in my inbox the last few weeks:

Perhaps you have a cloud-based POS system that is… having virtually no impact on Super Bowl attendees

Hi Kyle,

US Bank Stadium, home of the upcoming Big Game, is relying on LA-based Appetize to help make sure fans don’t miss a moment of the action. Appetize is the cloud-based point-of-sale (POS) tech company transforming foodservice/ retail transaction technology for major venues. Appetize is also being used at other iconic venues such as Yankee Stadium, Coors Field, Fenway Park and Dodgers Stadium.

Now fans can spend more time enjoying the game and less time in concession lines. Here are the Appetizeproducts being used at US Bank Stadium:

•iPods for Hawkers
•iPad Minis for In-Seat Mobile Ordering
•10-inch All-In-One Terminals
•Integration with Cisco for Digital Menu Boards
•15-inch Elo-Powered Terminals in 11 Bars and 8 Premium Clubs
•VenueNext Integration for Mobile Ordering on Smartphones

Here is a link to a blog that Appetize recently wrote about US Bank Stadium.

 

Perhaps you’re Bud Light

Hi ,

Super Bowl LII is right around the corner, and Bud Light is excited to unveil the third and final spot in the Dilly Dilly Super Bowl Trilogy following the first two installments, Wizard and Ye Old Pep Talk.

The final spot will be unveiled via a broadcast exclusive on Thursday morning (embargo lifts at 9:00AM EST), but tomorrow, we’ll share with you a preview link to the spot, still imagery, and in-game timing details, just for being a “true friend of the crown.”

In the meantime, please let me know if you’d like to chat with Bud Light’s VP of Marketing, Andy Goeler, or someone from the creative team at Wieden + Kennedy in advance of the embargo lift on Thursday.

Stay tuned for more tomorrow.

Dilly Dilly!

 

Perhaps you are Alarm.com and literally have no idea how this is relevant

Fans of the Philadelphia Eagles have long held a boisterous reputation. But new research from Alarm.com, the technology platform that connects millions of smart home security systems, suggests that maybe underneath it all, the City of Brotherly Love is more welcoming than everyone thinks.

Using aggregated, anonymized smart home activity data, we discovered that the typical connected doorbell in Philadelphia is pressed 25 percent more often than the US median. In fact, Philadelphia residents can expect 2 more doorbell rings per month than the rest of the US.

Boston doorbells, meanwhile, are pressed 19 percent less than the national median—so maybe it’s Pats fans who deserve that reputation.

 

Perhaps you have sandals(?) that you would like to sell and use a charity approach to help you do it

Who’s Got Sweeter Feet For Charity Leading Up To SB52?
Super Bowl Stars Go Toe to Toe For A Footwear Fundraising Challenge with ISlide4Good Ahead of the Big Game
(BOSTON, Mass.) — New England Patriots’ defensive back Devin McCourty and Philadelphia Eagles’ offensive tackle Lane Johnson will be challenging each other on and off the field leading up to Super Bowl LII in Minnesota. The NFL stars will be going toe-to-toe (and feet to feet) to see who can raise more money for their local charities as part of the ISlide4Good SB52 Sweet Feet Challenge between now and the close of the big game on February 4. Both Super Bowl hopefuls have teamed up with Boston-based athletic footwear innovator and Shark Tank alum ISlide to create competing custom slide design collections to benefit the local organization of their choice.

The ISlide4Good campaign was designed by ISlide founder and former Reebok Basketball executive Justin Kittredge as a way to bring awareness to, and boost fundraising for, local and national non-profit organizations that don’t always get the attention they deserve. “Our brand motto is, ‘Stand In What You Stand For’, and we are proud to stand with these guys and help them support causes dear to their hearts,” says Kittredge. For the Eagles’ Lane Johnson, his “Fly ISlide line will benefit The Fund for the School District of Philadelphia – an organization that plays a pivotal role in strengthening public education in Philadelphia to support academic and life success for schoolchildren. New England Patriots veteran Devin McCourty’s ISlide line will benefit Tackle Sickle Cell – a movement started by him his twin brother Jason of the Cleveland Browns that aims to educate the public, increase blood donations, and raise money & awareness for the fight against sickle cell disease. For every pair of the $49.99 limited-edition SB52 Sweet Feet competing slides purchased, ISlide will donate $10 to the player’s charity of choice.

 

Perhaps you’re a former Patriot who wants to send an Eagles fan to the Super Bowl

Good Afternoon-

Former New England Patriot Matt Light is stoked to talk about the Patriot vs. Eagles Super Bowl match-up because he’s been in one before!! In 2005, Matt played against the Eagles in Super Bowl XXXIX alongside Tom Brady, back when the QB was 13 years younger. He’s got some great stories about preparing for a Super Bowl as a Patriot, the emotional aspect of the big game and his insider predictions.

In an effort to raise money for his non-profit organization, The Light Foundation, Matt wants to send some pole-climbing, underdog masks to the greatest game on Earth and we want to let your listeners know! He’s running a raffle with tickets starting at just $1.00. The grand prize winner and a friend will be flown out to Minnesota for a 2-night stay at the Fairfield Inn and a chance to watch Nick Foles in action. The contest is nationwide (excluding: AL, CA, HI, IN, MT, NY, SD, UT and WA). What Eagles fan wouldn’t want a chance to be there if Eagle Nation takes down the most hated team in America?

 

Perhaps you’re throwing a party

Dear Media Member,

Please see the below media alert regarding Cowboy Jack’s Big Game Experience which will host a set of events throughout the week leading up to Super Bowl LII.

Confirmed attendees thus far include: Kevin Hart, Ray Lewis, Randy Moss, Rick Ross, Jennie Mai, Amanda Cerny, YesJulz, Princess Love, Clinton Portis, Eric Kendricks, Helen Owen, Kaild, DJ Khalid, Busta Rhymes, Ray J, Rohan Marley, Larry Fitzgerald, Kristal Hartsfield, Nates Burleson, Cheryl Casone, Sergio Brown, Tony Jimenez, Carlos Dunlap, Melvin Carter, Takeo Spikes, Andre Berto, Carlos Emmons, Bill Austin and more.

If you would like to cover one, some or all of these events, please RSVP to this email.

 

Perhaps you are a stick of butter

Hello,

Super Bowl Week in Minneapolis has officially kicked off and I’m excited to share the star-studded lineup for the Land O’Lakes Farm Bowl!

Additional information about the event and the lineup is included below. Please contact me if you are interested in attending the Land O’Lakes Farm Bowl on Thursday, February 1, and don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any questions.

 

Perhaps you’re Dunkin Donuts and don’t want to remind local people that you’re a New England company 

DUNKIN’ DONUTS LAUNCHES 52-CENT MEDIUM COFFEE OFFER FOR DD PERKS® MEMBERS TO FUEL PHILADELPHIA EAGLES FANS LEADING UP TO GAME DAY

WHAT:

Dunkin’ Donuts, the Official Coffee, Breakfast Sandwich and Donut of the Philadelphia Eagles, today announced the launch of a new 52-cent medium coffee offer to help keep DD Perks® members and Philadelphia Eagles fans fueled up and ready for Sunday’s big game in Minnesota.

Beginning, today, Jan. 29 and running through game day, Sunday, Feb. 4, DD Perks members can receive a 52-cent medium Hot or Iced coffee, every day* when they pay with a DD Perks enrolled Dunkin’ Donuts card. The offer is valid for DD Perks members only at participating Dunkin’ Donuts restaurants in the greater Philadelphia-area (Southeastern PA, Southern NJ, and Kent and New Castle Counties, DE). Fans can become DD Perks members by enrolling at DDPerks.com or through the Dunkin’ Donuts app®.

 

Perhaps you’re Verizon and something something

Good Morning!

Now that media night has passed and the players are hitting the practice field – let’s shift our focus to fan experience!

I wanted to drop you a quick note about some cool story opportunities from Verizon in and around the area. Underneath that are additional details to help in your planning. Additionally, we’d be happy to set you up with an interview with any of our Verizon representatives!

Hope we can work together through the week on a potential story!

GO EAGLES!

 

Perhaps I have never heard of anything you write

Hey there Crossing Broad,

I am working with the amazing American pop artist Perry Milou to spread the word on his new Eagles inspired work, Next Dog Up. The piece is slated to be completed live on Saturday in the window of Joan Shepp’s storefront and I wanted to share this as it may be of interest to your readership. I have attached the press release with additional details as well as a quick teaser video that we have of the work in progress.

Here’s a link to Perry’s site, for more information about him. Perry Milou

If I can be of any assistance to you, or answer additional questions, please feel free to reach out at your convenience.

Best!

 

Perhaps you’re in a band and that’s about it

Hello there!

David Uosikkinen, the drummer for The Hooters (whose band will appear on ABC’s The Goldbergs this Wednesday at 8pm) was holding a rehearsal for his upcoming show, “David Uosikkinen’s In The Pocket” at World Cafe Live in Philadelphia this Thursday.

During rehearsal the band started playing FLY EAGLES FLY, and being HUGE Eagles fans, they decided to add it into the show! Here’s a clip from rehearsal. It’d be great if you’d like to share it and mention the show. Please see details on the show below.

Thanks in advance,

 

Perhaps no idea

Do you sell the be where your feet are poster?

 

Perhaps this is just total bullshit

SLEEP NUMBER AND NFL ANNOUNCE GROUNDBREAKING PARTNERSHIP TO EMPHASIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF SLEEP ON PLAYER PERFORMANCE

SLEEP NUMBER and NFL announce groundbreaking partnership to EMPHASIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF SLEEP ON player performance

Sleep Number named the Official Sleep and Wellness Partner of the NFL

Minneapolis – Jan. 31, 2018 – Today, Sleep Number and the National Football League announced a multi-year partnership aimed at helping to improve players’ performance by maximizing the benefits of a great night of sleep. Through this partnership, every player in the league will be offered a Sleep Number 360™ smart bed with SleepIQ® technology. Sleep Number will work with players, teams and trainers as they integrate sleep insights into their overall performance regimens.

“We are constantly assessing world-class technologies and partners and know this unprecedented partnership will provide players the ability to improve their performance through individualized, smarter sleep,” said Roger Goodell, NFL commissioner. “We’re offering Sleep Number’s revolutionary technology to maximize the body’s most basic need for renewal – sleep – to improve the well-being of our players and coaches.”

 

Perhaps you rep the worst people on Earth

Dear Media Member,

Please see the below and attached media alert for the 15th Annual “Leather & Laces” Spectacular which will host an extravagant party during Super Bowl LII weekend on Friday, February 2nd, 2018 at 700 N. 5th Street in Minneapolis, MN.

The star-studded extravaganza will be hosted on Friday by NKOTB member, Blue Blood and Wahlburgers star; Donnie Wahlberg with Sirius XM/iHeart Radio Host and actress; Jenny McCarthy along with a special live performance from Atlantic recording artist and rapper Flo Rida. There will also be live performances by Illusionist Jim Karol USA and DJ Automatic.

 

So if you’re ever wondering why the news largely sucks, know that it’s because a substantial amount of their material is derived from bullshit like this. They just do your job for you.