I’m all about the NFL Combine. Nothing gets me going like watching offensive linemen run the three-cone drill while Mike Mayock gushes over “pad height” and a “quick get off.”

Sarcasm aside, I actually… sort of enjoy the combine?

It’s obviously a lot more interesting to watch quarterbacks and receivers run simple exercises versus the shuffling of tackles and guards. Yet I can’t help but laugh when we run the gauntlet of cliches that was created as a by-product of the 24/7 NFL news cycle, a dire need for fresh terminology to avoid repetition. That gets carried over to the draft, where Mel Kiper, Jr. and Todd McShay have to sit on a desk for hours at a time and think of things to say.

Here are some of my favorites in no particular order:

“the best available player” 

When you’re a bad team with a lot of holes to fill, you draft one of these guys.

“a position of need”

When you’re the Cleveland Browns

a “reach”

Probably what the Bears did with Mitch Trubisky.

“red flags”

He probably punched a woman.

“character issues” 

He probably smoked a joint.

“question marks”

He did one of the two things above.

purposefully saying “National Football League” for emphasis

“Well, ya know Rich Eisen, Mike Mamula has a great set of hands. But he’s gonna need much more than that if he wants to be successful in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE.” – Mike Mayock

a guy has a “strong motor”

He tries harder than others.

a guy is an “athlete”

He doesn’t have a position.

a guy has a “high football IQ” 

A media favorite who provides good quotes.

a guy is a “football player” 

Probably a white guy with athletic limitations but a passion for the game.

Think Owen Schmitt.

a guy is a “project” 

He’ll be drafted way too high and let go 2-3 years into his rookie deal (Marcus Smith).

a guy has good “measurables” 

He has ideal height and weight and looks good on paper, but we have no idea whether or not he can play football.

a guy is a “north/south runner”

Jeff Fisher will run him east/west.

a guy is “just a guy”

Probably a caucasian center or guard.

he has “upside” or a “high ceiling”

This means he kind of sucks now, but he’s got a lot of raw talent.

he really “flies around”

Something high school coaches say to get their defensive players hyped up.

“we got the guy we wanted”

This means the preferred target was off the board.

he plays “bigger than his size”

What Andy Reid always wanted from his defensive ends.

he’s “quicker than fast”

Didn’t run a great 40-yard dash, but speedy enough for the NFL.

“It’s always been my dream to play for (team)”

You didn’t dream of playing for the Jets.

when a guy “dazzles,” “shines,” “wows,” or “impresses”

What Saquon Barkley is doing at this combine.

he’s a “plug and play” guy

Throw him right into the starting lineup.

“mortgaging the future”

Throwing a ton of picks at some team to get a quarterback.

he runs “downhill”

He’s LeGarrette Blount.

“genetically gifted”

Well he’s an NFL prospect, so I hope so.

durability concerns

He’s been injured.

“converts speed to power”

Me at Planet Fitness.

a “finesse player”

He’s soft and hates contact.

someone who is “good at the point of contact”

Basically the opposite of Asante Samuel

“functional football strength”

He didn’t bench 225 pounds 20 times, but he can play the game.

a “throwback player”

Sort of like a “football guy.” Like a no-nonsense middle linebacker. Paul Posluszny.

“bubble butt”

A lineman with a big ole’ rear end.

coach him up

What Doug Pederson will do with Nate Sudfeld, or “Sudfield” if you’re a casual fan who still doesn’t know how to pronounce his name.

tread on the tires

He’s played a lot.

blue collar/lunch pail/hard hat

Perfect for Philly, as long as it’s not Danny Watkins.

phone booth guy

An offensive lineman who doesn’t move well, but plays good ball in tight spaces.

“He’s rising up the draft board”

Another way of saying that you just heard of a player today. You literally just watched his Youtube highlights for the first time.

a “natural bender”

A lineman who looks like he can’t do anything, but he actually can.

a “change of pace” back

Probably not good enough to start.

playing “in space”

A wide receiver or skill guy who does well when no one is around him.

“a value pick”

A nice way of saying that he probably wasn’t good enough to be drafted higher. The “value” is because he dropped.

“he can make all the throws”

He’s Carson Wentz.

Or Nick Foles.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaPemcB34bU