No Embiid, no Butler, no Doncic, no real point in watching that game.

But if you did watch, good on you, because I’m sure most people probably lost interest as soon as they realized that three of the most interesting dudes on the floor would not actually be on the floor.

There’s a Type O Negative song called “Less Than Zero,” and I think that’s a good way to describe how much this game meant in the big picture. It meant less than zero, as in it was utterly meaningless and has absolutely no effect on the landing of the playoff plane as we approach mid-April. I’m not saying that Chesley Sullenberger is piloting the aircraft, but some Sixers fans make it seem like Ted Striker is at the controls:

Airplane! (1980, Paramount Pictures)

It’s all good. Trust me.

The Sixers will be the three seed. They were never catching Toronto and Milwaukee, since both of those teams were blessed with relatively easy back-end schedules. Even if the Sixers do win next week against the Bucks, there aren’t enough remaining games to pull even and pip them via tiebreaker.

Likewise, Philly is up 3.5 games on both Indy and Boston with a game in hand while holding the tiebreaker against the former.

Here’s how each team finishes the season:

  • Sixers: at Hawks, vs Bucks, at Bulls, at Heat, vs Bulls
  • Pacers: at Pistons, vs Celtics, vs Nets, at Hawks
  • Celtics:  at Heat, at Pacers, vs Magic, at Wizards

For the purposes of our exercise, say Indy and Boston both go 3-1. The Pacers lose to the Celts.

They would finish:

  • Pacers: 49-33
  • Celtics:  49-33

The Sixers are currently 49-28, so they’d really only have to go 1-4 or 2-3 down the stretch here to finish in 3rd place. Even then, they have not lost three straight games this year and they will not lose three in a row in April. Philly has that game in hand and will be returning Joel Embiid against the Bucks or Bulls, then you’re closing with a handful of winnable games to hopefully build some momentum heading into the postseason.

For what it’s worth, FiveThirtyEight projects the following finish in the Eastern Conference:

  1. Bucks (61-21)
  2. Raptors (58-24)
  3. Sixers (53-29)
  4. Celtics (49-33)
  5. Pacers (48-34)
  6. Pistons (42-40)
  7. Magic (40-42)
  8. Heat (40-42)
  9. Nets (40-42)

Most projections out there have the Sixers meeting the Pistons in the first round, which is favorable. Embiid can win the Andre Drummond battle and Philly just has more talent across the board. People talk about “physicality” and whatever, but Miami played that type of game last year and the Sixers didn’t have a lot of problems. They simply out-talented them on both sides of the floor.

Should there be a three-way tie, as 538 suggests, this is the tiebreaker criteria:

  1. Division winner (this criterion is applied regardless of whether the tied teams are in the same division)
  2. Best head-to-head winning percentage among all teams tied
  3. Highest winning percentage within division (if teams are in the same division)
  4. Highest winning percentage in conference games
  5. Highest winning percentage against playoff teams in own conference
  6. Highest point differential between points scored and points allowed

Believe it or not, one of Miami or Orlando is going to win the Southeast Division with what looks to be a losing record. The Nets need to find a way to beat one of Milwaukee, Toronto, or Indy in the next three games, or else their season finale against the Heat looks pretty damn important. Keep an eye on that jockeying as we hit the end of this week.

I honestly should just end the article right here, since everything else is just dreck at this point. Some teams are tanking, some are on autopilot until the postseason starts, and others are jockeying for lower seeds at the bottom half of the conference table.

But here are some actual observations from last night:

  • 2-14 shooting last night from Jonah Bolden, Shake Milton, Haywood Highsmith, and Zhaire Smith. I know a huge chunk of those combined minutes for the latter three players came in extended garbage time, but Bolden especially had a disappointing night after a wonderful game in Minnesota. It’s games like this one that make you understand why he’s unlikely to be a part of the rotation in the playoffs, or at least in the second round. As for the other guys, you’re just looking for glimmers here and there, glimpses of what they might be able to provide to a really iffy bench heading into next season.
  • Tobias Harris hasn’t had a great three-point shooting game in some time. He was 1-6 last night, and 3-8 in Minnesota is 37.5%, which is fine, but he went 0-2, 0-2, 1-4, 2-5, and 1-5 in the five games prior. He’s been a much better deep shooter this season, but he’s only shooting 30.2% in March, which is way down from the 43% he shot in February.
  • Beyond his three-point shooting, Harris had a nice 25/6/3 game on 10-19 shooting. Ben Simmons went for 17/7/5 despite only hitting 5-15 from the floor. JJ Redick started out well from the floor before the team bottomed out, so if there’s a silver lining in the loss, at least those three starters looked like they’re going to be in good shape for the playoffs.
  • I wouldn’t have played that trio as many minutes as they did last night. Harris played 34 minutes and Simmons 32. You’ve got a tricky back-to-back coming up Weds/Thurs.
  • This team went 8:22 without a field goal last night.
  • The following Mavericks shot 50% or better from the floor: Jalen Brunson, Justin Jackson, Dwight Powell, Maxi Kleber, Salah Mejri, Dorian Finney-Smith. That’s more than half the damn team.
  • The Sixers really need their starting five to carry them in the playoffs. This squad is just so top-heavy that there is little margin for error within the starting unit, because you look down the bench and there’s nobody who can come in to cover for a Redick or Harris off night. James Ennis might grab a few buckets here and there, but Boston and Toronto and Milwaukee have legitimate sixth men on their rosters.
  • Bolden can be a solid defender if someone works with him this summer on his positional discipline. His energy and movement is great, I just think that sometimes he’s overzealous, and that results in unneeded fouls and other actions that pull him out of position.
  • If you don’t like these meaningless games where starters are rested or whatever, your real complaint should be the NBA schedule, which is too long and too bloated. I’d love to shrink it to 70-some games and remove all back-to-backs, but I know that affects gambling and concessions and ticket revenue and all of that stuff. That’s a conversation for another time, I guess.

Happy Tuesday.