Back by Popular Demand: The Worst of Philadelphia – 2020 Edition

Back by popular demand, it’s Crossing Broad’s “Worst of Philadelphia” March Madness bracket.

We didn’t do the series last year, but it was received well enough in 2018 that some folks requested a 2020 return, and since we are a reader-first website, we decided to oblige.

This year, you’ll see some familiar faces in the bracket. The defending champion, the hellish death trap known as the Schuylkill Expressway, has returned as a #1 seed. Similar to the Duke Blue Devils, the committee has handed the Expressway an easy home game in front of their fans for the opening round.

Will the Coronavirus force this year’s tournament to be played in empty arenas? We’ll find out, but until then, here’s your 2020 bracket:

Wow.

This may be the most stacked field EVER. The Expressway is really going to have a difficult time maintaining its spot on the throne of crappiness with behemoths like “Josina Anderson and her snitch” making their March Madness debut. I could even see a first-round upset with the Kenney vs. Mummers conflict taking out the city wage tax.

Similar to the first time around, all voting will take place on my Twitter feed. We will start tomorrow with the left side of the bracket, which I have dubbed the “Fishtown” regional. All matchups will take place at the outdoor hockey rink. The right side of the bracket is the “South Philly” regional and those games will be played in the Tollman Joe’s parking lot, underneath I-95.

Here’s some more information on each of the contestants:

#1 Seeds

The worst of the worst.

The overall #1 seed, the Schuylkill Expressway, is sure to cause aggravation and strife, especially when it narrows from four lanes to two lanes at City Avenue, where the assholes in the left lane try to cut in front of you.

The wage tax returns as another #1 seed this year, a greedy bastard who takes a bunch of your money, which then mysteriously disappears.

Over on the other side of the bracket, Josina Anderson and her snitch are a trendy pick to win it all, while the Philadelphia Parking Authority was STUNNED by Comcast customer service in the Elite 8 back in 2018. This year, the PPA will try to lie, cheat, and scam their way to victory.

#2 Seeds

Furor over the soda tax subsided in 2019… or did it? We’ll find out, as this bastard enters the competition as a #2 seed.

Another newcomer entering the fray as a #2 seed is “arguing about the Flyers on sports radio,” which has resulted in a lot of subtweeting between Russ and others.

Looking to rebound from a disappointing performance the last time out is “trash EVERYWHERE,” which is certainly one of the worst things about Philadelphia. And sliding in as the final #2 seed is “trying to sneak in a safe injection site,” which resulted in South Philadelphia moms going absolutely apeshit on Ed Rendell and forcing the cancellation of a planned site meant to help heroin addicts get help.*

*To be clear, I am neither pro-site or anti-site. The 36-hour South Philly debacle is the contestant here.

#3 Seeds

Some of the #3 seeds felt slighted, and complained that they deserved a #2 seed or even a #1 seed.

And I could understand their arguments. Pot holes and sink holes are a true scourge. Angelo Cataldi’s fake outrage is powerful. Wawa haters have crawled steadily up the shit list while nobody needs political tweets from sports writers.

This is truly a grotesque menagerie of contenders.

#4 Seeds

Corrupt politicians? Can’t find a parking spot? Traffic at the sports complex? All diabolical.

I’d even give the “Mayor Kenney vs. Mummers conflict” an outside shot at winning it all. Talk about a mess there. You’ve got black face, personal attacks, and nasty letters being written. It truly is a loathsome amalgam of nonsense.

Voting begins tomorrow. Print out this bracket, put it on your refrigerator, study the teams, and do whatever you need to do to win your office pool.

 

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19 Responses

  1. You forgot only 10 Phillies spring training games on TV.

    1. I read it quickly and thought it said “Josina Anderson’s snatch”.

      Views must be waaaaaay down this month. First, multiple posts about sports talk radio, then this slop?

  2. Inferior quality t-shirt selling website that is trying to reinvent itself as a gambling site should be at least a 2 seed.

    1. everyone knows not to click on links to gambling website.
      If i wanted to goto those sites, i just extract the target link from the URL string
      so that Kyle doesn’t get his cut/kickback.

      Kyle needs to be reported to the sixers,eagles,flyers and phillies for copyright infringement.
      You can bet that they would issue ‘cease and desist’ orders within hrs.

      1. do you really think they aren’t aware of his t-shirt designs? man, you’re stupid.

        1. Actually they can’t be. If they were they would be legally required to take action against him or risk losing their copyright.

  3. You forgot crossingbrood constanly bombarding their users with|
    PAGE AFTER PAGE AFTER PAGE of betting ads and bullcrap betting related content
    in an attempt to turn their slacker users into degenerate addicted gamlbers….
    all so they can get a little ‘taste’ from the weblink kickback bullcrap.
    I’ve done statistics and more than 90% of original CB content(ie. shit that isn’t stolen and
    copied) is betting related.
    related

  4. How do you not include:
    – Mikey Miss’ horrible hair dye
    – Cuz pretending to be from Philly but went to Paul V
    – A defense attorney is the city’s DA
    – corrupt liberal politicians
    – north, sw, west philly
    – Al Horford’s contract
    – Shots of cheesesteaks during every national game
    – getting accosted by homeless people in cc

    1. you also forgot:
      -racist republicans
      -losers that think they are “elite” posting on sports blogs
      -a president so effin stupid that he can’t even form a sentence
      -a stock market that is in the toilet

    2. Corrupt politicians is such a waste of a spot. Corrupt politicians are everywhere

  5. nothing worse than political tweets by sports writers and radio hosts. Immediate unfollow button or try to get blocked by them with an insult.

    The aggressive annoying homeless people need to be a team

  6. Woke eagles beat writers are the worst .
    Trash everywhere also big winner . Saw a girl recently who looked like she was Canadian throw an empty pizza box on the sidewalk . Threw it like it was no big deal

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