Emmanuel Acho, former Eagles linebacker and current NFL talking head extraordinaire, posited an interesting theory Sunday afternoon while “America’s Team” were getting the snot beaten out of them by “Washington’s Team.” –
#Cowboys fans, you deserve better.
That’s it. That’s the tweet.
— Emmanuel Acho (@EmmanuelAcho) October 25, 2020
Interesting theory. Please allow me to retort:
No. No, they do not deserve better.
Dak Prescott deserved better. He deserved to not have his ankle broken into very distinct pieces and just horrifically from his body in a manner usually reserved for a direct-to-DVD Eli Roth “Hostel” sequel. He deserved to not be jerked around for two years by an owner who cheap-skated his way through Dak’s career to save money on face lifts and escorts.
But do the Cowboys fans deserve better? Do they deserve a team that AT THE VERY LEAST stands up for their second-string quarterback as he gets his brain turned to jelly? Or are they getting exactly what they deserve? A spineless group of overpaid millionaires who don’t so much as bat an eye as Andy Dalton writhed around on the Washington turf and memories of his children leaked out of his ears?
They do not. They deserve to slog through these miserable games for the rest of this miserable year, and if all is right with the world they’ll win one more game than the Jets so they don’t luck into Trevor Lawrence.
At least Jerry Jones has to sit through this garbage of his own creation. Things ALMOST worked out for the man with the frozen face when Dak went down. You could hear the plastic sutures creaking in his face as his twisted visage did its best to feign the human emotion of “empathy” and “concern.” After all, in his mind the decision to not invest millions in one of the best quarterbacks in the league was justified the moment the splintered shards of ankle bone exploded through Dak’s skin.
But karma is a bitch and his cheap ginger savior lasted only a putrid game and a half. This season is doomed, the future remains bleak and Jones must save fake frozen face and show up week after week in his soulless luxury box to watch his bloated payroll steal his money and get stomped out by the likes of the Giants and Eagles.
No Dak. No Andy. Now someone named “Ben DiNucci” is going to have to take time out of his busy schedule of standing around on the sidelines and trying to figure out if female fans are attractive under their masks to salvage whatever remains of this Cowboys season. My memory isn’t as good as it once was, but I’m fairly sure DiNucci had a two-arch episode on The Sopranos where he dated Meadow and got the shit kicked out of him by Paulie for asking too many questions.
I GET IT. Are Eagles fans in much better shape? Not really… but unlike the pigeon Cowboys fans we only have the Sixers, Phillies and Flyers to fall back on to soothe our wounds. Dallas fans have the Lakers, the Yankees, Duke, Coach K, so many successful franchises to scurry off to after the Cowboys let them down each and every year. How can you feel too bad for Dak when you can just as easily slip off his jersey for Lebron’s? It makes things easier.
But honestly, nothing fills my heart with joy more than imagining Cowboys fans glumly looking at their televisions on Thanksgiving afternoon and ultimately deciding to not turn on the game and fight with their family members instead. Let it seep into their everyday lives and sour the personality they’ve crafted entirely around being fair-weather fans.
It’s what they deserve.