Hopefully everybody navigated the storm of the century on this Friday. We got walloped with an entire four inches out here in Lansdale. Oh the horror!

Here’s a take I’d like to share:

Now Kyle Neubeck and Derek Bodner disagreed with this take. They do a fantastic job on the Sixers beat, but obviously the topic of manual labor vs. machinery is not their strong suit.

Their weak retorts:

RE: the question of efficiency, I don’t think it’s much of an issue here. Shoveling four inches of powder off the typical suburban driveway doesn’t take any longer than snow blowing it. By the time you’ve got the bulky snow blower out of the garage, gassed up, and turned on, I’ve already done 25% of the driveway. I’m getting exercise at the same time. I’m packing on muscle like the guys on Jersey Shore.

The exception would be if you have a really long driveway, or you have a neighbor who is older or less physically capable. Then you become the default “neighborhood snow blower guy” and you help out with sidewalks and/or assist other folks in getting their cars out.

But again, we’re talking fine margins here. Six inches of snow? Get out the snow blower. Anything less? You can do it just as fast shoveling, without wasting gas or using a clunky machine.

However, the overarching question really is this:

Just because you can use a machine to do something, should you use it? 

I would say no. There is such a thing as overkill. For instance, would you use a riding mower if you lived in Upper Darby? Hell nah. You probably have the smallest front yard of all time, so you can do it very easily with a small, battery-powered push mower. Likewise, we wouldn’t use a chainsaw to trim hedges and we wouldn’t buy a Ford F350 for commuting to work. We must appropriately match the level of machine power to the task at hand.

Ultimately, I’m not gonna back down from my snow blower take. The haters will come, and must be rebuffed. Four inches of snow on a typical suburban driveway can be shoveled in less than 15 minutes, even by scrawny weaklings. Snow blowers should only come out for six or more inches, or be used by men or women age 40+. Otherwise, the snow blower overkill usage amounts to a suburban dad flex.

Unofficial snow blower rules:

  1. if you can shovel the driveway in 15 minutes or less, shovel it
  2. six inches or more, snow blower comes out
  3. if you can be the neighborhood snow blower guy, go for it; it’s a noble and helpful position to hold
  4. if the driveway is more than 30 yards long, then snow blower
  5. if you’re age 40+, snow blower

There will be no debating these rules. This is the way.

EDIT –

Let it be known that Jon Marks is on the right side of history here: