So I was watching the Olympic ski jump on Tuesday night and the Beijing backdrop is some sort of dystopian hell. Looks like something from a Fallout video game. Athletes are going down this huge slope that looks like it was built in front of a nuclear power plant:

(from NBC broadcast)

Upon further investigation, it turns out this is not a nuclear power plant. Crossing Broad readers informed me that these cooling towers can be used for anything that isn’t near a water source. Coal plants, etc.

From CBS:

According to USA TODAY Sports, the venue is not actually a nuclear facility, but instead a “former industrial park where they used to mill steel.”

The New York Times gave more insight on the area, writing, “The venue was constructed at the site of a 100-year-old former steelworks of Shougang Group, which had another connection to the Olympic Games: It was shut down before the 2008 Summer Olympics, because it was a source of the air pollution that once choked the city.”

According to the Times, the area will eventually be turned into “a complex of office buildings, cafes and sports facilities.”

Regardless, imagine you’re a pro athlete and you make it to the Olympics to pursue your dreams, and this is the location where you’re doing a double cork 1440. You are literally competing for gold in front of a decommissioned industrial park. It’s like the oppressive Communist version of the Bethlehem Steel Stacks.

But it got me to thinking.

If Beijing can pull off the Winter Olympics, then surely the Philadelphia region can do it. If Beijing is going to repurpose some crap area, then we’ve got plenty of those spots available, as Adam points out:

Yes, this is a great idea. We could cover the Platt bridge with snow and then the skiiers and snowboarders could hit a ramp at the bottom and do a somersault onto Penrose Avenue.

Honestly, the entire region should chip in. It would be the Delaware Valley Olympics 2026, and we’ll even extend it beyond the greater Philadelphia metro area. Here’s what each county can contribute:

Berks County

Any event with a rifle. The biathlon was made for Berks County. We could very easily have the participants ski down the slopes from the Reading Pagoda then have them fire off their rounds on Main Street Fleetwood or Oley. It would be the biggest thing to ever happen in those two towns.

Montco

Montco will host a couple of events.

We will upstage Beijing by building a huge ski slope in front of the Limerick Power Plant:

Imagine you’re shopping at the “Philadelphia” Premium Outlets, which are actually in Sanatoga, and you see skiiers flying through the air. It would be the perfect setting, definitely better than what China did.

Montco would also host every other skiing and snowboarding event. We would go to the great Spring Mountain and get it all set up. Mikaela Shiffrin redeems herself with a world record on the double black diamond. Woxall represent. We’ll host the after party at The Duck Inn next to Perkiomen Valley High School.

Delco

Delco will host all indoor skating events at the great Havertown Skatium and Aston IceWorks. Figure skating, speed skating, ice dancing, ice hockey, etc. It all goes down in Delco. It makes too much sense, if you really think about it. Delco is ground zero for local Flyers fans, so they get first dibs on all of these events. Then we get drunk at the Stanley Kup Inn and take team Norway over to Hunt’s Annex Lounge for some wings.

Chester County

Not sure, I need to spend more time in Chesco. We’ll give you guys the ice luge and you can build it on route 100 going past the Exton Mall.

Bucks County

Cross country skiing seems like the best fit for Bucks County. You need a whole lot of nothing to do a cross country skiing course, and if you’ve ever been to Upper Bucks, you know they have the market cornered on nothing. Ferndale, Ottsville, Silverdale, etc. There is no shortage of choices here. The athletes could be shuttled from Philly to Pennridge High School. Free Will Brewing will provide libations.

South Jersey

You guys get all of the curling events. They will be held at the Flyers’ practice facility in Voorhees.

George Walker IV-USA TODAY Sports

Philadelphia

Philly proper would host the Olympic village. There are plenty of great spots to choose from, like Aramingo Avenue and Dilworth Plaza. It would be like Occupy Philadelphia, only the residents leave willingly when the fun is over.

Anyway, there are a lot of great venues in this region. If Beijing can pull off the Winter Olympics, then so can we.