Eagles

My Name is Kyle and I Have Smaller Hands than Kenny Pickett

By Kyle Pagan

Published: Mar 4th, 2022 · 9:09 AM EST

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Well it sucked to find out I have smaller digits than Kenny Pickett, who CBS Sports described as having “historically small hands” –

@kylepagancb

There goes the NFL dream kennypickett nfl nfldraft fyp philly CorollaCrossStep nflcombine flyeaglesfly fypphilly phillytok

♬ original sound – Kyle Pagan

In some industries, eight inches would get you a million-dollar contract, but in the NFL it loses you millions.

How sad is it that I’m criticizing Jalen Hurts’ arm and my hands aren’t even big enough to open a jar of Cheeseballs? This legitimately ruined my day. I thought I was just a below average athlete that didn’t have the arm for the NFL, but I at least had the hand size. Then I found out I never even had the chemical makeup. I’m firing off jokes like this and it turns out I’m actually Uncle Jack:

https://twitter.com/KyleWooderboys/status/1499415967767703554?s=20&t=CG6zjbS6b2H9Ji-fNeFbsQ

Pathetic.

BUT WAIT! My dumbass measured my left hand. I’m actually right handed! And folks we’re back:

Nine inches?! That’s accepted in NFL circles. Joe Burrow has nine inch hands. Ever heard of him? These hands could strangle a bear. I can bring six bottles of Bud Light back from the bar to the fellas. My right hand would draw a mean Hand Turkey around Thanksgiving. I’m so happy I’m a normie like the rest of the NFL and not some carnival sideshow act like Kenny Pickett. Have fun in the XFL, dork.

Kinkead: Whenever somebody mentions Pickett’s hand size, all I can think of is the Austin Powers clip, where he tells the British guy that he’s afraid of “Carnies” because they smell like cabbage and have small hands.