What a beautiful spectacle of an old school brawl at the Vet during an Eagles preseason game.

The Vet was demolished when I was 11 so my memories are few and far between, but I’d like to think this was a true embodiment of it. Let’s break down all the major characters from this video that recently resurfaced:

Coach Delc-O

I can guarantee you there is nobody today who understands society less than this guy. The only pronouns he recognizes are “Bitch,” “Ass,” and “Motherfucker”. He thinks he could kick every millennial’s ass, then this video surfaces and he realizes he connects on fewer power punches than Logan Paul:

“Bobby Hoying can be a franchise quarterback!”

He’s lucky he had the Angel of Death to show him how it’s done.

Angel of Death

Coggin said it best:

“The guy in the black Hard Rock shirt is the best. Appears out of nowhere like Michael Myers. Walked down like four rows to a fight that had nothing to do with him and just leveled that poor bastard.”

This guy ate a punch and popped up like those Bozo the Clown punching Bags you used to torture as a kid:

 

Marshall All Lives Mathers

How every guy with blonde hair in the 90s could individually gel every strand of their bangs is beyond me.

NEXTEL Dad

This guy owned a cardiology office on the Main Line for every phone he had connected to his pants. You were the richest guy in your neighborhood if you had a cell phone in the mid-90s. It was like having a color television in the 50s. How psyched was this guy when NEXTEL released the chirp phone?

Mike Mamula (RIP)

Thank God this guy’s kid was on Twitter and saw this video to give more context:

I can just imagine Jim Gardner leading the news for the next two weeks, “Tonight’s top story. Fighting at the Vet. Belligerent or Vigilant?”

Straight Freddy Mercury

Freddy Mercury ran through every single mom in South Philly. From Girard Estates to the river and Washington Ave to the Navy Yard. Children would come down for breakfast and Freddy would be hanging there at the kitchen in your dad’s bathrobe drinking coffee and reading the Daily News. He called every kid “Sport” because he couldn’t keep track of who was who.

Have a great weekend.