Torts Named the 9th Most Handsome NHL Coach

Photo Credit: Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

Torts you sexy son of a bitch, you! At least the Flyers will be top-10 in something:

I bet Carter Hart and Kevin Hayes didn’t think they’d have some competition at bars around the city this winter. I mean listen, with all due respect, Hayes ain’t winning any beauty contests looking like Doofy from the first Scary Movie:

A young Torts would mop the floor with him:

Lets get to the rest of the list, which was compiled using the beauty analysis app “Golden Ratio Face.” How in the hell is Jay Woodcroft #1? –

Now I know why that  career in show business never took off. Are the Oilers going to skate on the Rogers Place ice this year or on Woodcroft’s noggin? 

Jared Bednar clocking in at #15 is an absolute slap in the face to beauty everywhere. This guy is a man rocket. Sex on skates:

Plus, he just won the Cup. He’s a 10 and then you find out he has a personality too.

Here’s how other Flyers coaches clocked in:

Craig Berube #7 – I guess if you’re into Robert Duvall:

Dave Hakstol #14 – I think this tweet from Coggin says everything that needs to be said about ‘ol Hak:

Peter Laviolette #32 – Lavi used to be an absolute beauty, and with age he’s turned into a vampire, but the only thing he sucks is in Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals: