Justin Verlander Signs with the Mutts

screen grab from @michaelschwab13 on Twitter

Well this is gross:

It’s a two-year, $86 million deal, similar to my Crossing Broad contract.

But for real, we gave Verlander a lot of credit during the World Series. He corrected that doofus who accused Phillies fans of breaking the Houston bus window. He flipped off our fans and then took pictures with them. Verlander presented himself as a guy who gets it, and he also has a smoking hot wife who seems to be super chill.

Unfortunately he’s now a Met, so Verlander can take a fuckin’ hike. He can go pound sand.