The full Eagles Christmas album is streaming on Spotify and Apple Music right in time for your Christmas party. Make sure you tell your pops the album was recorded in the summer when he blames the loss this weekend on the linemen recording White Christmas, and not the fact our MVP QB is sidelined.

Here is the full thing for your enjoyment. Reviews of each song below:

I reviewed every new song that was released using my patented system of “Kelce Claus.” Ebert and Roeper had thumbs, the Source had the mics, and we have Jason Kelce wearing a Santa hat:

This is professional as fuck. Lets get into it.

 

1. White Christmas – Jason Kelce, Lane Johnson, & Jordan Mailata

The song I had been looking forward to the most ever since they teased it. Lane Johnson and Jason Kelce do a good job of setting the table just for Jordan Mailata to come out of nowhere and blindside you with his golden pipes. I don’t know if this song will win a Grammy, but if you’re sending something to the Academy this is the one you send.

We’re starting hot right off the bat! 10/10 Kelce Claus –

 

2. Blue Christmas – Jason Kelce, Lane Johnson

This was released as a single earlier this month that I reviewed here.

 

3. Merry Christmas Baby – Jordan Mailata, Lady Alma

I also reviewed this earlier in the month but I think I was a little too hard on it. I originally gave it 6/10 Kelce Clauses but after listening again I think it’s at least a 7/10. Not my favorite Christmas song, and usually the third or fourth song on the album is the hit single, but if you get a couple egg nogs in ya and this comes on you’re dancing.

Anyway 7/10 Kelce Clauses will do:

 

4. The Night Before Christmas – Merrill Reese

Didn’t know I needed Merrill Reese reading The Night Before Christmas until I heard Merrill read The Night Before Christmas. He read this like he was calling a Miles Sanders running touchdown.

On Dasher, on Dancer, on Donner, and Blitzen! 

He’s at the 30! The 20! The 10! Touchdown! 

Merrill’s agent is leaving a lot of money on the table. Get this guy an audiobook deal!

The “Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night” at the end is going to cost them. I’m sorry. This is a fair and balanced review. Can’t just be a homer and hand out a bunch of 10s. I tell it like it is. Merrill has to be 10% better.

9/10 Kelce Claus

 

5. Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) – Jason Kelce, Lane Johnson, & Jordan Mailata

Another great one. You ever been at McGillins and the jukebox is just rocking? Hit after hit. It’s like the 1927 Yankees on the TouchTunes. Mr. Brightside, What’s My Age Again?, maybe some White Houses, or My Heart Will Go On so everyone can participate. When that crescendo hits and the whole second floor puts everything they have into it, that is when you know you’ve hit the peak of the night. I got that feeling when all three sang, “and all the fun we had last year” around the one minute mark. Chills.

Who the hell was on that sax around 1:15? Might have to tune that bad boy up, lol.

Still 8/10 Kelce Clauses. Great for singing around the counter at the Christmas party:

 

 

6. Silent Night – The Silver Ages

Reviewed here. Still the best version of the Eagles chant you’ll ever hear. Eat your heart out Coldplay.

 

7. Santa Claus is Coming To Town – Jason Kelce, Lane Johnson, & Jordan Mailata ft. Jalen Hurts, Brandon Graham, Jordan Davis, Haason Reddick, Merrill Reese, A.J. Brown

Holy shit. What a perfect way to end the album. The beginning made me smile ear to ear. The end made me smile even larger. I love this fucking team. What a bunch of dudes. Bring me a Super Bowl so they can go down as the greatest Eagles team of all time.

10/10 Kelce Clauses