I was talking to a buddy the other day and he brought up an interesting point. Now that the pitch clock is around and MLB games are moving faster, are the Phillies still going to cut beer sales off after the 7th inning? Because they better fucking not. You think me calling the Senator about getting another Dollar Dog Night on the schedule was a bit much? I’ll take this shit all the way to Governor Shapiro’s office.

The average MLB game last year was 3 hours and 7 minutes. Last week the Phillies played a game in 2 hours and 34 minutes and one at light speed:

So if we take last year’s average game time and extrapolate (that’s that Temple education for ya) over nine innings, the 7th inning would be a little over the two-hour mark. A little earlier than where teams are finishing games in Spring Training. Which tells me the Phillies should be offering beer for the entirety of the game. What’s 30 more minutes of drinking, really? Yea, bartenders and staff have to clean their stations yada yada yada I get that, but if they see a 20% decrease in their tips I’m sure they wouldn’t mind staying an extra hour postgame. It’s no different than closing a bar at 2 a.m. in the city.

If you’re playing games that are 2 hours and 15 minutes that means the end of the 7th inning would hit around the 90 minute mark. Only 90 minutes to drink a beer? That would be the equivalent of CBP closing beer stands in the 5th inning last year. We can’t stand for this. This not only effects the great beer drinkers of CBP, it also takes money out of the pockets of hard working beer vendors at the stadium who climb those stairs hawking hooch. Yeah you could tailgate earlier, but having a beer and a hot dog at the ballpark is Americana. Call your councilmembers! Call your Senators! Call your ticket reps! Make sure the Phillies know we did them a solid by making it four hours of hell for any team that came into that ballpark in the playoffs. The least they could do is keep the beer flowing the entire game.

P.S. While I have the Phillies here – can we bring back draft beer? I know Aramark rips us off because a small and a large are the same size. Exhibit A. I still don’t care. Nothing better than having a draft beer at the ballpark.

Not to mention imagine the cup snakes a bunch of mongrels in the 400 level could make: