Most of the mayoral candidates went down to Kensington to be grilled by a couple 5th graders at Gloria Casarez Elementary. How are they going to clean up their community and rebuild the school? Most of the candidates had messages of hope and promises they had no actual control over, since Philly schooling is controlled by the state. Nevertheless, those kids got a lesson in politics. Promise. Promise. Promise. But never deliver. The NFL is a results-based league. Politics ain’t.

My favorite candidate so far, a pastor named Warren Bloom who is running for mayor for the SEVENTH time, decided to deliver a message. The message was that Santa isn’t real, via Kristen Graham at the Inquirer:

(Warren)Bloom, a block captain and minister who vowed as mayor to visit each of the city’s 900 schools (there are 216), exhorted each of the Casarez students to “be a godly person” and asked them to repeat his campaign slogan back to him. (”Vote for Bloom in the spring, let’s do the right thing. I’m from the hood, I’ll do you good.”)

He also revealed a truth that left some of the grown-ups raising their eyebrows.

“There’s no Santa Claus,” Bloom said. “You can’t put your faith and hope in politicians.”

I love this guy. Warren Bloom doesn’t give a shit!  It’s time to grow the fuck up. Santa isn’t real. Get a job. You think that rummaging sound under the tree was Santa dropping off a PS5? Guess what. It was most likely a crackhead ruining Christmas. Warren Bloom was the only guy who told these kids what they needed to hear. Santa isn’t real and you can’t put your faith and hope in politicians. I don’t know about his views on city economics or what he’s going to do about reducing crime, but I can tell you Warren Bloom is my leading candidate early in the race! Seventh time’s a charm, I’ve always said!

I gotta get my ass out to cover one of these mayor functions. If we’re telling children Santa isn’t real and that bitch the Tooth Fairy isn’t either, there has to be some other screwball who has snuck through the cracks and will give me some good soundbites.

P.S. “I’m from the hood, I’ll do you good” is a great slogan. Say what you want about his win/loss record, but he’s undefeated in slogans. Remember QB wins are a team stat and so are mayoral races.