North Philly gonna North Philly. Animal Control had to drag an eight-foot alligator out of a basement:

Where the fuck do you find an alligator in North Philly? At Temple we had the guy who sold baby turtles, but no damn baby alligators. If my roommate brought a baby alligator home, I’m breaking the lease.

Here’s some free advice if anyone reading this will be choosing a roommate in the fall. Draw the line at reptile guys. You can’t have a snake roommate in college. Snake roommate isn’t all there mentally. Snake guy typically does a little too much acid and has a blacklight. One day you’re gonna come home and he’ll be sitting on the couch looking all worried as he tells you the snake got out and he can’t find it. Now you gotta sleep with one eye open.

Good news is animal control apprehended the gator, though there were a lot of armchair quarterbacks during the muzzling. Can we let the guy work please? Rule #1, you can’t have too many cooks in the kitchen when you’re capturing a gator:

I love the bench press two feet from the gator’s pen. This guy just getting a pump in while him and the gator chill. Guys being dudes.


Nothing hits more than some animal control humor after coming within an inch of death:

“You have the right to remain hella awesome!” You hear that right there? That’s a snake guy if I’ve ever heard one. The same guy who said he wanted to cuddle with the gator before. That guy can’t wait to go home later take a couple tabs, feed his snake, and listen to Dark Side of the Moon backwards.

Knock it off with the gators, Philly. The only Philly gator alright in my book is Wally the emotional support alligator that was in Love Park last year: