Did you see the game last night? No? Don’t worry, half the country didn’t either:

But you did get to see the trailer for The Little Mermaid:

If you’re a Sixers fan, that Little Mermaid commercial was God giving you a break from wanting to throw your remote through the screen watching Jimmy Butler get bounces like this:

NFL fans are freaking out because YouTube TV has Sunday Ticket this season. Good news for YT TV is that watching nothing is still better than whatever DirectTV tried to offer you. You’d pay all this money so you could watch your team when you went away to college and half the time the games wouldn’t even work because you were somehow out of market when the ENTIRE BUSINESS MODEL WAS ABOUT WATCHING YOUR TEAMS OUT OF MARKET. Not to mention you get an entirely different RedZone with this guy:

How does my dish stop working mid-game when you have antennas like those working in the NFL offices?

But if I know Fuhrer Goodell like I think I do he’ll sacrifice every engineer at Google he has to, to get YT TV up and running by September:

Chalk up another win for the dinosaurs like me. I haven’t cut the cord yet, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. I used Amazon Fire Stick for a month. How do people deal with the 90 second delay on live sports? What’re we fucking cavemen? Buddies would be texting me walk-off home runs before the guy was even in the on deck circle. I need live up to the second action. When you work in sports content it’s all about being first on social media for those sweet sweet retweets and likes. Engagement is king. Imagine how embarrassing it would be if I just sat 90 seconds behind the competition. That’s like five days in Internet time. What is @BieberHole69 going to do if the Crossing Broad Twitter account isn’t providing him a Brandon Marsh error five seconds after it happens? Who’s going to feed him that sweet content he can retweet out to his 33 followers? @Barstool, @Jomboy, @ESPN, @Sports Illustrated, @bsbl, @fighthaven, @clipsthatgohard, @WIP, @FranzkeLA?

Absolutely not.

P.S. – You know how every couple of months someone will tweet out something like, “Quote tweet this with something that you thought made people rich as a kid.” and then it’ll go viral. Mine was DirectTV. It was like a  badge of honor on people’s roofs. They were always installed in the most ill-fitting places but it didn’t matter. It still stood as a beacon of wealth. Hey here’s a nice brick four bedroom house with a manicured lawn and new flower beds…BAM! Ugly ass gray dish sticking out of your roof next to the chimney. If you had DirectTV and a Goalrilla hoop in your driveway your dad was a king in my eyes.

I thought we were rich because we had DirectTV, but my mom recently told me my dad knew a guy who had it illegally installed. A perfect example of America that enough is never enough. You have 100 channels? Well here are THOUSANDS! Oh you want a large Big Mac meal? How about you Supersize it fatty. Best nine months of my life. Until it of course crapped out and we couldn’t call customer service to have them fix it because…well…it was stolen.