What the fuck is going on at Twitter HQ? I was told Elon was all about free speech and shit. Well I guess not, because I’m going on 24 hours of being Blooper’d without an answer:

I’m filing appeal after appeal. I’m trying to find someone I can call or chat with. Nothing. Elon has my account by the balls and I can’t figure out why. Well – I know why.  I said “Kill Blooper. Go Phils.” But I wasn’t saying it to Blooper I was just reading this message from a passionate Phillies fan during Game 1 of the NLDS:

Who would’ve thought an obvious joke would’ve got me nuked for maybe the rest of eternity? Obviously if I said I would skin him alive and use him as my living room carpet, I could understand a suspension. But I didn’t do that. Thought it? Sure. Did it? No.

The thing is I actually need this account for work. This is my livelihood we’re talking about. I couldn’t tweet during the entirety of Game 4. I can’t retweet this ridiculously awesome clip from the NLDS video I made:

Why does this muppet have more basic human rights than I do? It’s the playoffs for gods sake! It’s a division rivalry. There is no love lost. The worst part about the whole thing is he started it by going after the Phanatic.

Every second my account is suspended Elon is defending a child abuser:

Now that we officially beat the Braves I think Elon has to let me out of jail. It’s only fair.

P.S. Anyone got an in at Twitter let me know.