Who on the Phillies Drinks the Most Miller Lite?
We were back again with Miller Lite, but this time at Gaul & Co. in Port Richmond for Game 5 asking the hard-hitting questions. Who drinks the most Miller Lite on the Phillies? The answers didn’t disappoint:
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My top 5:
1. Stubbs
Those overalls are a cheat code. The dude has so many pockets and so many spots for storage. That’s efficiency. Look at this guy! Every time he’s around it’s a bad day to be a Miller Lite:
2. Schwarbs
Kyle Schwarber looks like what I think a human Miller Lite would look like. You know those videos where children draw what they think God looks like? Well if you gave me some color pencils and told me to draw what I think a Miller Lite looks like I’d draw Kyle Schwarber.
3. Brandon Marsh
That woman said it perfectly. He definitely has taken two Miller Lites and poured them directly over his head to get his hair wet.
4. Ranger Suarez
Ranger Suarez in the field is as cold as a Miller Lite:
There’s nonchalant …
And then there’s Ranger Suárez. pic.twitter.com/aZrVbSWiQp
— MLB (@MLB) October 20, 2023
The coolness of a guy who drinks great tasting, less filling Miller Lite. He does everything as nonchalantly as he does fielding grounders. He gets off of work, goes home, and grabs a cold Miller Lite after a long days work. Kicks up his feet, throws on Wheel of Fortune, and relaxes. Now that’s a good night.
5. Nick Castellanos
He wasn’t really mentioned, but I think Nick crushes Miller Lite on his off day. He has a couple of pops and then all of a sudden the tattoo gun is coming out:
For those who were asking, here’s the tattoo that Wes Wilson did for Nick Castellanos a few weeks ago.
“We were about two bottles of wine deep,” Castellanos said. “And he was like, ‘I have my tattoo gun here! And I was like, fuck it, I’ll get a tattoo.’” https://t.co/V9FJBfcz9p pic.twitter.com/KokEa24wBH
— Alex Coffey (@byalexcoffey) October 22, 2023
Who can’t relate to a long night of crushing some Miller Lites and then waking up with a new tattoo?
If we’re being honest, Topper is the key answer if these rankings were open to managers. Topper looks like every dad in the Delaware Valley watching the Phillies in his chair with a cold Miller Lite. Around the 7th inning he’s going to bark, “need more runs here” and wonder why the TBS crew is blatantly rooting for the D Backs. There’s no one who looks like they fit in a recliner better than Rob Thompson.