We’ll get it back to the Eagles momentarily, but first a real estate update. There’s a Fishtown new construction currently listed for $1,250,000 on Zillow:

Ah yes, the ‘ole $8,106 monthly mortgage payment. What a deal!

The description says this, in part:

Welcome to 1214 E Fletcher Street – a remarkable oversized new construction home with a two-story foyer and family room, multiple outdoor spaces, and a FULL 10-year Tax Abatement. The house is Located in the heart of the Fishtown neighborhood, just steps away from La Colombe Flagship and booming Frankford Avenue. Located on a quiet side street, the home is roughly 3,600/SF and extra-wide – a rarity for city living. Walk into the house through the stunning two-story foyer. On the right is an L-shaped staircase to the second floor. On the left is a spacious powder room along with a large coat closet. The foyer will lead you down to the fully finished basement. (There are two staircases – one to the basement, and another to the second floor). The house looks and feels spacious, flooded with natural light coming in through European-style windows and an open-concept floor plan. Further on the first floor, you will find a large custom-made, gourmet kitchen with flat panel modern cabinetry that extends up to the 9-foot ceiling height and sits on top of gorgeous, hardwood flooring. The kitchen boasts luxury stainless steel appliances, a wine cooler, and a large island with quartz countertops and plenty of seating. Just off the kitchen is a dining room and a spacious two-story family room, accented by six wall sconces, with a fireplace to provide heat and ambiance in the cooler months. There are two staircases to the second floor, and to the basement. On the back wall is a huge glass door to the full-sized deck and a backyard. Your summer outdoor living awaits! The second floor features two spacious bedrooms; the front bedroom has access to Juliet’s balcony directly above the front entrance. There’s a full, tastefully tiled modern bathroom, and the laundry room is on the same floor. The second floor can be accessed from the foyer or the family room. There are stairs from the second floor to the third floor. The Primary Suite is located on the third floor. Step inside the Primary Suite and you will find a grand bedroom drenched in sunlight, a walk-in closet, and a swanky bathroom. The bathroom boasts a double vanity, a huge walk-in shower with high-end tile choices, shower heads, rain heads, and wands to give you a true spa-like experience. There is a hallway with one additional powder room. It’s from the 3rd floor that you can experience one of the largest terraces in Philadelphia with unobstructed views of the city! Downstairs is a fully finished walkout basement. 

Full transparency – we lived on this street from 2015 to 2020. In no way, shape, or form is it located “in the heart of Fishtown.” This particular house is at the corner of East Fletcher and Girard, where Aramingo Avenue spills out underneath the highway. The only thing you are “steps away from” is the I-95 entrance ramp, which was recently rebuilt over the top of a dog park. This is not a “quiet side street” because you can hear the cars and trucks on the highway. Frankford Avenue is a 10-15 minute walk in the complete opposite direction. You can walk to Applebee’s and the heinous, appalling Wawa faster than walking to La Colombe.

Eight years ago, new construction on this same block was going for $400,000, tops.

The market has been all over the place because of pandemic and other things, and prices have increased since, but a jump of $800,000 is totally fucking bonkers! For who? For what? Because of some two-story foyers and a finished basement? This listing says 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, and 3,600 square feet, which is a shit ton if we’re being honest. You just don’t find places that large in that neighborhood. But still, our house was 4 beds, 3 baths, 2,160 square feet, and is currently valued on the same website at 40% the price of this monstrosity, so roughly $700k in difference. That’s what’s crazy to me. If you put this thing in Queen Village and asked $1.25 million, so be it, but this location is the definition of “meh.”

Here are the three photos currently on the site:

Admittedly, I’m a lowly sports blogger and not some real estate guru, so maybe I’m out of my depth here. Maybe they add photos to this listing and the finishes are awesome and the basement is baller and the house ends up being the shiz. But I feel confident at this particular moment in saying that there’s no way this thing is worth $1,250,000, not in this location, and certainly not with an 8% interest rate on a 30-year fixed loan. We are living in banana land!