Bryce Harper's Back Pain is Just the Price of Being Over 30

Bryce Harper hasn’t played since March 14th and Rob Thomson told reporters it’s because of a sore back, but that he has zero concern:

Bryce Harper hasn’t played the last three days. He won’t play tomorrow. He has some stiffness in his back. Level of concern? “None. Zero,” Rob Thomson said. He said Harper will be back in the lineup later this week and ready for Opening Day.

— Todd Zolecki (@ToddZolecki) March 17, 2024

Bryce Harper said he is not concerned about the soreness in his lower back. He just wants to be careful with Opening Day 10 days away. Harper said he hopes to play by Friday, whether it’s a Grapefruit League game or at the complex in Clearwater.

— Todd Zolecki (@ToddZolecki) March 18, 2024

No shit.

A sore back for a guy over 30 is as common as taking a dehydrated piss in the morning. I could drink a gallon of water every day and it would still have a golden yellow hue in the morning. When you get to 30, the hangovers last longer and your body hurts more. That’s just science. Imagine putting something through the ringer like you have for 30 straight years. Sports, drinking, manual labor, other extracurriculars. We’re lucky the life expectancy is as high as it is.

All 31 years of me woke up today and what was the first thing that happened? I rolled out of bed and was greeted with that little twinge in the lower-middle part of my back. Like clockwork you take your first couple of steps on your heels. Hobble around to get your bearings. Let out that old man groan like your father used to and go take a piss. That’s evolution, baby. Everyone over 30 deals with the same shit every morning. Me, you, and MVP baseball players. It’s kind of cool when you think about it. The guy who sat on his couch and watched college basketball, drank beers, and ate pizza and ice cream all weekend woke up with the same back pain that a guy who doesn’t consume an ounce of sugar did. Level playing field. You gotta love it.