What a gentleman, that Jason Kelce. Who else would seek permission to talk about Nick Foles’ dick on one of the most important days of his life?

I’d like to think Travis and Jason spent the next hour naming different slang words for dick and the only reason the New Heights team had to cut it out in post was because of time constraints.

With all this talk about dicks I’ve got a question I’d like to bring to the table…

Is Nick Foles’ dick the most famous dick in the world? Everyone knew his name and his hammer after winning the Super Bowl. You can’t tell the story of his playoff heroics without talking about his dick. That’s what makes the Philly Special even more impressive when you think about it. He was able to get out into the flat lugging around two bowling balls and a pin.

But honestly, think about it. If it’s not the most famous in the world it’s definitely one of the them currently, since the Swifties now know about it. When I think of famous dicks, these are the dicks that flood my mind: Rasputin, Johnny Sins, John Mayer, Moby, Pete Davidson, Drake, the Statue of David, and Richard Nixon. All dicks that tell a story. All dicks that have been popular throughout the history of time. If I had to assemble a power rankings of dick I’d have Nick’s firmly placed right behind Moby and in front of John Mayer.


But Kyle, didn’t John Mayer also fuck Taylor Swift? How can he be behind Nick Foles when the Swifties know about his member withstanding gravity?

Valid question, reader. My rebuttal: John Mayer’s dick is yesterday’s news. That thing has embarked on a journey through time and space. We’re talking 13 internet years since they’ve been together. I think of Mayer with the Dead before I think of him with T-Swift. Foles’ is without question the most famous dick of the 2010s because of it’s longevity. Popstars come and go. Super Bowl winning QBs are forever. Now if we’re being fair, Pete Davidson is probably #1 right now. If you have two megastars like Ariana Grande and Kim Kardashian bragging about it you deserve the adoration of golden schlong.

Still, it’s pretty impressive a journeyman QB is in the pantheon of most famous dicks in the world. Try to tell me another country that someone like him would get this kind of opportunity. Nowhere. Greatest country in the world.

Kyle’s Power Rankings of Famous Dick (as of 3/6/24):

1. Pete Davidson
2. “Tricky Dick” Richard Nixon
3. Drake
4. Moby
5. Big Dick Nick
6. John Mayer
7. Statue of David
8. Johnny Sins
9. Rasputin
10. John Wayne Bobbitt

Kinkead: gotta add the late Dick Trickle to the list