I believe in karma. If you do good things for people and don’t expect anything in return, eventually the world is going to reward you. Apparently it’s time for me to cash in. You might remember on April 16th the team was floundering at 9-8. The bats hadn’t woken up yet, Zack Wheeler was 0-3, and half the lineup was in the worst slump of their careers. The vibes were off. Was it a hangover from the postseason? Or was it because the organization took away the greatest promotion in the history of the franchise? It was the latter. So what did I do? Took it into my own hands and righted the vibes. And you can’t argue with the results. Since we fed the masses out in the parking lot and raised $1,713.25 for Philabundance the Phillies have been on an absolute tear:

You can’t argue with facts and the facts are the Phils are 27-6 and off to the best start in the franchise’s history all because we had a feast. Since that day they lead the league in OPS, RBIs, runs, batting average, WAR, wins, shutouts, FIP, xFIP, DAWG, and MEAT. They make hitting a baseball look easy. They might have eight All-Stars. Ranger Suarez is doing things that haven’t been done since 1916. As a fan I’m fully going into every single game expecting a win. If the bats aren’t getting it done one night then the pitching is shutting everything down. They make hitting look so easy and every fanbase is nervous they have to cry about the schedule.

And listen, again, I don’t expect anything in return. My ring size is a 9 if you’re wondering, John. But again I don’t expect anything in return. If the Phils want to sneak me into the locker room for a playoff clinching celebration I’ll bring the dogs. Who am I to say no? But again I don’t expect anything in return.

Maybe we’ll have to do it in September just to make sure the vibes stick…