Every year we do a somewhat facetious/somewhat serious Eagles prediction column, then we revisit it to see what we got right and what we got wrong. Here’s the list from last August, with updated rulings in bold:

  1. People will complain about the defense. – boy did they ever 
  2. Eagles Twitter will be absolutely fucking toxic and insufferable during various stretches of the season. –you could argue that it’s always toxic and insufferable, and not just during the season
  3. The first half of the Patriots game will be UGLY, because bastard Belichick comes out with a good defensive game plan, then the Eagles figure it out and win. They cover and the under hits. -I am not sure if the under hit, but oh boy was it ugly
  4. Avonte Maddox will become injured at some point and miss time. -yep
  5. Rashaad Penny will become injured at some point and miss time. –we’re not totally sure if he was actually injured, or just buried on the depth chart
  6. There will be at least one brutal, season-ending injury to a starter (because we’ve been too lucky over the past two seasons). -Nakobe Dean counts for this
  7. Jalen Hurts will throw for 4,000 yards, up 300 total from 2022. – close. he finished with 3,858 yards
  8. Hurts will run for 500-600 yards, down about 150 from last season. -bang, he logged 605, down 155 from 2022
  9. Hurts will finish top three in the NFL in red zone rushing attempts. – he finished 7th, with 43 attempts
  10. Coggin says Hurts will have 40 combined touchdowns. -38 total, almost
  11. Cog also says “DeVonta Smith will have more receiving yards than A.J. Brown.” –wrong, A.J. had him by 400 yards
  12. They will return to the NFC Championship Game. -fart noise
  13. Punting will be a blemish, covered up only by the NFC’s best offense. -I think this list was written when Arryn Siposs was still on the team. punting turned out to be fine with Braden Mann
  14. Special teams will again underwhelm, especially with the loss of two of the top five snap count players in 2023 (McPhearson and Bradley). -special teams did okay actually, it was the offense and defense that turned to shit and took most of the focus
  15. Linebacker play is going to be an issue early. Nakobe Dean will be a prime topic of discussion and then figure it out a couple of weeks in. –not only was linebacker play an issue early, it was an issue all season long
  16. Safety will be the biggest weakness and the loss of CJGJ and Marcus Epps will be felt more than the losses at other defensive positions. -safety was an issue, maybe not as much as linebacker, but Kevin Byard didn’t exactly plug the gap they way they hoped
  17. Jalen Carter will win defensive rookie of the year. – he finished 2nd
  18. Carter will make people completely forget about Jordan Davis. -sort of. Davis was good to start, then dropped off a bit
  19. Here’s one from Ant San Francisco: “The Eagles will have fewer wins than last season, and may not even win the division, and yet be a better team overall.”  -the first two parts of this were true
  20. Quez Watkins will get about 50 targets and turn those into 437 yards and two touchdowns. He will have a WR3-average season. -ass prediction from me, he finished with 142 yards on 15 receptions and 1 touchdown
  21. James at our NY site says “There will be some disgruntled star player everyone thinks Howie will trade for at the deadline. And then he won’t.” – maybe Justin Simmons or Budda Baker counts
  22. They will start 7-1 and then go 3-3 during that tough stretch, then win two of their final three to finish 12-5 overall. -pretty damn close actually, they went 7-1, then 3-3, but were one game off the 12-5 prediction
  23. The Cowboys will find a way to choke in the playoffs. -TRUE!
  24. Dak throws 11 picks. – he threw 9
  25. The Giants have the same exact year they had in 2022. Nine wins max, but will miss the postseason. – they were worse, 6-11
  26. Washington will stink. Riverboat Ron is finished and Sam Howell ain’t it. 6-7 wins for them. – slightly off here, they only won 4
  27. Pagan says “Everyone will hate Sean Desai more than they hated Jonathan Gannon because the defense isn’t as good as it was last year.” – to be fair, there was hatred to go around, for Desai, Matt Patricia, and all of the players
  28. Media will still not understand how zone read and RPO works. -they still do not and never will. they think anything with an option element is an ‘RPO’
  29. There will be a slight shift away from college-style plays as Hurts stays in the pocket and throws more. -true, he’d stay in the pocket and watch four guys run vertical routes, or throw a GOD DAMN bubble screen 
  30. Fans will call for the Eagles to run the ball. – easy peazy
  31. Boston Scott will score against the Giants. – he actually didn’t score against anyone
  32. D’Andre Swift will log a career-high in rushing yards, finishing with 817 on the ground and six touchdowns. – he did have a career high, but it was better than we all thought
  33. Kenny Gainwell will go for 250 rushing and 250 receiving. Four touchdowns total. -364 and 183 with two TDs. not bad
  34. Marcus Mariota won’t look like dog shit as he did in the preseason. Why? Because he’ll get to play with the first team. Duh. – he only appeared in three games and threw the ball 23 times
  35. Haason Reddick: 14 sacks, 24 quarterback hits, 10 tackles for loss, three forced fumbles. Another excellent year, just slight dips across the board starting out with the thumb injury. – finished with 11 sacks, 23 QB hits, 13 TFL, and zero FF
  36. Slay will look like Champ Bailey through the first eight games, then he’ll look like Izel Jenkins for 1.5 games and then finish the season looking like 2017 Jalen Mills. -more or less, yeah
  37. MILTON WILLIAMS will have a great season. -he was good, dunno about great though
  38. Jonathan Gannon will become the new Carson Wentz and Ben Simmons. Every dumb thing that happens in Arizona will result in mocking tweets from Eagles fans and media. – it started out that way, then he came to Philly and beat the Birds
  39. Shane Steichen’s Colts won’t be much better than Gannon’s Cardinals. They will be lucky to win five games. -this is N/A because of the Anthony Richardson injury
  40. I’ve got Zach Berman, Jeff McLane, and John McMullen finishing in a three-way tie for most questions asked at press conferences. – I think ESP might have been right up there with them
  41. When a player goes down injured during a game, all of the beat reporters will tweet the update at the same time. – too easy
  42. Jalen Hurts will shut down a completely innocuous and legitimate question and then fans will get on Twitter and say “yeah! the media sucks!“ -I think Mike Sielski asking about the knee in November checks this box
  43. Some nothing burger story will be blown completely out of proportion (this has a chance to happen 5-7 times). -I’d put the A.J. Brown/Jalen Hurts sideline confrontation story in here
  44. Big Dom will continue his meteoric rise to the top. By the end of the season, he puts himself on the Mount Rushmore of non-player Philly sports figures. -oh man, what a prediction!
  45. Jake Elliott will quietly have a Pro Bowl-worthy season. -bang bang!
  46. Cam Jurgens at right guard will not be an issue. We will completely forget about it three plays into the Patriots game. -nailed it
  47. The Eagles will send seven players to the Pro Bowl: Hurts, Kelce, Johnson, Reddick, A.J. Brown, and first-timers Josh Sweat and Jalen Carter. DeVonta Smith and Jordan Mailata will be alternates. -it was actually six, but close
  48. Nolan Smith will have a solid year, but will require a few games to get going. He’ll be the victim of too much fan and media preseason hype. -the first part of this did not happen, but the second part did
  49. Derek Barnett will lead the Eagles in 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalties. -in a crazy twist, they traded him to Houston and he played well
  50. We see a more angry/less goofy Nick Sirianni this year. – we got a little bit of both I think

We’ll do the 2024 predictions next week. These turned out pretty well though. Some weren’t exactly going out on a limb, like talking about people complaining, but the more specific yardage/touchdown/statistical picks were close. I did an arbitrary run through and determined that we got 21 right, 13 wrong, and the other 16 were either partially true or incomplete. Not bad.