Someone get Nick Sirianni on the Iron Chef because Wednesday afternoon he prepared and plated the Vetri Cucina of word salads:

Following up about the collaborative process earlier, taking a step back in the offensive game planning is probably what you wanted to improve about the collaboration. What did you learn in the past year about when to pick your spots with offensive coordinators?(Brooks Kubena)

NICK SIRIANNI: Yeah, I’m still in there. And still, I think, in the past, it’s been going through the game plan and saying, ‘Hey, we are going to do this, this, and this in these scenarios.’ Sitting in there listening a little bit more, not running the ship as far as, like, ‘Hey, I’m driving, we’re going to talk about this, and I’ll lead the direction of the conversation.’

It’s more, now, I’m sitting in the passenger seat, listening to the conversation, adding my information. Again, I’m not going to be shy to say ‘Hey, here is what I think in this scenario’ or ‘Here is what I think in that scenario.’ But it is more, I’m letting Kellen (Moore) run the – drive the car.

And just like my wife will say to me, ‘Hey, make sure you take a right here, take a left here.’ She’s giving me directions, and same thing in these scenarios. It’s just chiming in when I have something to chime in. Being able to step out when I need to step out and letting everybody else be able to participate – not ‘participate’ because everybody’s participating. That’s not the right way to say it.

But it is not having to put all the tapes together, all those different things like that, which has freed me up to do other things. But still be able to say, ‘Hey, take a look at what we did,’ – this was a conversation last week – ‘Take a look at we did in 2020 against Houston at Indy in this game on this particular play versus this particular look. How do we think that looks against this?’

Again, the same deal. Kevin Patullo has a ton of experience. I have a ton of experience. Kellen has a ton of experience. That, again, is the great thing about football and that’s really the great thing about life, is that you don’t have to go through this by yourself, and you get to get together. One person coming up with one thing can’t do what four people do together, five people do together, six people do together. That’s what makes it a great team game, and you lean on everybody. I’ve talked to you about how I’ve learned a lot from Kellen, and I’m sure Kellen has learned a lot from us as well, and that’s how you grow as a coach. That’s how you grow as a person is other people. None of us have all the answers. None of us.

And I think that’s the cool part about football.

This is the worst analogy of all time because if you ask 100 husbands if they enjoy their wives giving them directions from the passenger seat, 99 will say no. Sirianni is apparently the one ‘yes’ answer. It is the worst experience in the world. The person driving the car just wants to drive the car. You wouldn’t ask someone to drive the car in the first place if they weren’t capable of getting you from point A to point B. And if you get lost along the way, you ask your wife to open up the Waze app. But no driver is seeking unsolicited advice.

In this analogy, Kellen Moore is cruising right along, he’s not even close to the car in front of him, and Sirianni is grabbing the handlebar thing and yelling “watch out!” Or he puts his hand on the dashboard, bracing for the contact that never comes. Both of those things are counterintuitive and unhelpful. The CEO duties in this equation would be deciding when to leave, giving the driver the address, and getting the kids’ diaper bag packed, i.e. coming up with the game plan and studying opponent film. But if you’re gonna insert yourself when the vehicle is moving, it better be for a good reason, because more often than not you’re just gonna make someone mad.

(Please do not send this blog post to my wife)