My junior prom* was at the old Best Western off of Forty Foot Rd. and Sumneytown Pike. It looked exactly like the ballroom the Sixers are using for training camp in the Bahamas:

How long until Andre Drummond spiked the punch bowl? Did they catch Kelly Oubre Jr. smoking weed in the bathroom? Where are they going to put the bad wedding DJ so he can play the “Cupid Shuffle”? All I know is those floorboards better be latched tight. I don’t need Joel Embiid spraining an ankle because some asshole at a Crypto convention last week spilled a drink and it warped the surface.

Lets take a look at the facilities. You have the scoreboard that is in every CYO gym in America:

Was there a meeting at the United Nations or something that mandated every carpet in every ballroom around the world all has to look the same?

My butt just fell asleep after looking at these chairs for five seconds.


These are the chairs at every conference some big mouth is speaking at and trying to sell you the latest cloud platform:

I love that the Sixers organization was like, “Yea Nick, Colorado was cool, but I’ve got some miles burning a hole in my pocket and I’d like to take the wife and kids on a little vacation I can write off as a business expense.” Gina Mizell at the Inquirer:

Atlantis certainly is one of the more unusual training-camp environments.

The multi-hotel beachside resort features amenities from a casino to a pool where one can swim with dolphins to a water slide in a structure shaped like a temple. And because it is the Bahamas’ offseason, the property is fairly desolate as far as visitors.

Nurse did not choose this Caribbean locale but said it has “been on the table for a few years, I think, with the Sixers organization.”

“Once I made the bold move to go to [Fort Collins] Colorado last year — which was awesome,” Nurse said, “… they wanted to get this Bahamas one in. So that’s why we’re here. Happy to be here, though. [It’s] very nice.”

Billionaires don’t stay billionaires because they’re dumb with their money, folks!

Also, we won’t have to worry about Embiid getting injured on the water slide:

There’s no doubt in my mind Eric Gordon swims with a shirt on. I don’t know what made me just think of that, but he strikes me as a bigger guy who would be in the pool wearing his best Hanes tee.

Sweatsuit Maxey > Hoodie Melo:

The Sixers are also playing chess with the beats. Invite a bunch of pasty dudes down to the Bahamas without their wives and kids to sip all-inclusive drinks, get a last second tan for the fall, and write a couple hundred words on Guerschon Yabusele. That’s living right there. The Sixers just bought themselves favorable press until the All-Star break.

The Miami Heat are also down in the Bahamas too. Lets check in on their facilities:

Heard Kevin Love is checking out a timeshare while he’s down there.

*Where was my senior prom? Thanks for asking. We upgraded to Indian Valley CC. The Augusta of Telford, some say.

Kinkead: My prom was at Valley Forge Casino Resort, I guess because there are no ballrooms in Boyertown.