Juan Soto is meeting with the Dodgers. How is this possible after the Dodgers just spent a billion on the team last season? Because they made more money than they projected from one year with Shohei Ohtani:

I’ll go full fucking Commie if Juan Soto signs with the Dodgers. Gonna tattoo a hammer and sickle on my forehead, start reading Karl Marx on a bench in Rittenhouse Square, and bother anyone I can about how unfair the distribution of wealth is in MLB. If they’re allowed to defer his salary again like they did Ohtani’s I’m gonna lose it. It’ll be the first time I ever thought the MLB needed a salary cap in my lifetime.

This would be terrible for baseball. No one wants to watch a sport with a superteam. Those years when Kevin Durant was on the Warriors were boring. Now the World Series champ is going to add the guy who is already a Hall of Famer at 26? David Stern would never allow this. And how candy ass would Soto be if he went and joined the team that beat him in the World Series? If he’s just going to run to the guys that dog walked him a month ago then I didn’t want him on the Phillies anyway. Can’t have another guy wearing red in October not have the stones for the big time. We’ve already got enough of those in the lineup.

I’ll tell you what this offseason has shown me. The Phillies need to find themselves a Japanese player. It’s a cheat code apparently. The Dodgers announce a new partnership with a Japanese company every other day and just rake in money. All we have is the Toyota Rav 4th Inning and that does more harm than good. I want those funny Japanese candy brands, a Nintendo deal, and Kobe beef hot dogs on the grill. I’ll eat sushi in 98° in the 400 level and wash it down with a Sapporo. I don’t care if I can’t read half the ads in the stadium and John Kruk starts dressing up in a kimono. It’ll be worth it when we’re signing every single free agent and winning back-to-back-to-back World Series.

But seriously. Lets not turn baseball into an auction.


Unless that super secret new investor in the Phillies is an oil tycoon from the Middle East: