Universal Basic Guys is the Fox series that follows the daily lives of Mark and Hank Hoagies, who lost their South Jersey hot dog factory jobs to automation. That’s the bad news. The good news is that they now get $3,000 a month from a government program, so they use their newfound time and money to do all sorts of things, like buy a chimpanzee for Mark’s wife and build a life-saving robot equipped with the Jaws of Life and a mechanical buzz saw.

The first season of UBG features an episode called “Bird Cage,” where Mark takes over as head coach of the Eagles, and there are so many Philly-centric Easter eggs and nuggets contained within. There are also some ideas that we might be able to permanently adopt from the show and add to the gameday experience at Lincoln Financial Field.

1. running the ball on every play

Mark is one of those Eagles fans who thinks the Birds need a smash mouth running game and a stout defense. A self-described “old school, hard-nosed leatherhead,” he decides to run the football straight up the middle on every single play.

This is not far from the shared philosophy of real Eagles fans. Haven’t we been having this discussion for years now? The “run the ball” sign guys showed up twice outside of NovaCare. Then Howie Roseman went out and got Saquon Barkley, who set a single-season franchise record for rushing yards just a dozen games into his first year. The Eagles’ running success has spurred discussions of whether or not Jalen Hurts is a game manager, as they trot out the league’s best rushing attack every week. It would seem as though the “run the ball” portion of the Eagles fan base did, indeed, have it right.

“I don’t give a damn if it’s 4th and 50 million miles! You pound that frickin’ rock pal!”


2. the infinite Hot Dog

No one has done more reporting on processed meat than Kyle Pagan, who laments the death of dollar dog night and thinks the Phillies’ should bring it back. BOGO dogs aren’t cutting it, and may be responsible for Senator Bob Casey’s election night loss.

The solution might be the infinite hot dog, which is a top-secret Eagles prototype. Resembling a garden hose, it supplies a never-ending source of glizzy, which could be delivered in a number of ways. You could do dollar dogs, long-roll dogs, Chicago dogs – basically anything. You could set up several infinite hot dog stands throughout the concourse and maybe do a Golden Corral-inspired all-you-can-eat routine. The possibilities really are endless.

“Please, help yourself.”

3. the next generation mechanical Swoop costume

This episode introduces us to the “mascot and fan engagement lab,” which features six bio reactor tanks and various experimental Eagle + football hybrid creations. One of the technologies being developed is a prototype mechanical Swoop suit resembling a sporting Iron Man.

Among its many features, the suit shoots fireworks out of Swoop’s head, launches hot dogs from shoulder-mounted cannons, and comes equipped with a rocket booster that can send the operator into space. It would be a surefire upgrade over the current mascot situation at Lincoln Financial Field. Who says no?

“Now the tech is still in beta. Fortunately, you’re a trained mascot operator, so we have 100% confidence in you.”

If you haven’t seen the episode, there are a ton of Philly-specific things that will make you laugh. And the ridiculousness of all of it makes perfect sense to anyone who knows anything about the Eagles and various pieces of franchise folklore. Universal Basic Guys is nearing the end of its TV run on Fox, but every episode is streaming now on Hulu.