Phillies

Antonio Bastardo Got Punched in the Face by a Squat Machine

By Kyle Scott

Published: Jun 16th, 2012 · 10:48 AM EDT

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Antonio Bastardo was unavailable to pitch on Friday night because he lost an altercation with a squat machine after allowing a run in Minnesota on Wednesday night.

Philly.com provides a few details: 

He took his anger out on a squat machine, which returned the favor. He required stitches to close a large cut above his left eye, which was nearly swollen shut after Friday's game.

 

There are two reactions here. My first was: Of course Antonio Bastardo and his Centaurian ass would injure their eye on a squat machine! You think he’s shaped like a half-man, half-horse through genetics? No way. Squats all day. Every day. A man’s (horse's?) greatest strength is his greatest weakness, and that squat machine was bound to claim a mild victory.

My second reaction, which came a moment later, was to write a post about it… because we finally have an excuse to talk about Bastardo’s massive lower half.

This team it too hatable to even be mad at right now.