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Morning Wood: Joe Blanton Had Sex Yesterday
By Kyle Scott
Published:
Yesterday, following a THREE-HIT SHUTOUT performance, the fat man, Joe Blanton, conducted his post-game interview from an exercise bike. It was a move that surprised beat writers, who were in awe as the pitcher effortlessly answered their questions, mid-workout:
Boss indeed.
Blanton had just thrown his first complete game shutout with the Phillies (contract year…), and awwww hell yeah, you be damn sure the occasion was going to be celebrated.
One teammate, presumably with a sick sense of humor or a hilarious taste in music (looking at you, Shane), cranked up Lonely Island’s I Just Had Sex (as originally captured in this video by beat writer David Hale), while uncomfortable scriptuals interviewed the man of the hour.
The euphoric parody fit the occasion. Blanton had pitched beautifully. He was brilliantly efficient, throwing only 86 pitches, and seemingly (adverbs FTW!) had enough energy and adrenaline left in reserves that he could have thrown 86 more. We don’t want to say he was gloating, or showing off by riding the stationary bike, but he was proud of the effort and wanted to tell us all about it. In fact, it was almost like he too Just Had Sex.
We felt he deserved a remix. Do enjoy it.
Kyle Scott is the founder and editor of CrossingBroad.com. He has written for CBS Philly and Philly Voice, and been a panelist or contributor on NBC Sports Philly, FOX 29 and SNY TV, as well as a recurring guest on 97.5 The Fanatic, 94 WIP, 106.7 The Fan and other stations. He has more than 10 years experience running digital media properties and in online advertising and marketing.