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Meteorite Crashes Through New Jersey Home
By Kyle Pagan
Published:
First the Sixers lose, now we have to worry about meteors crashing through our roofs while watching Price is Right:
One win, God. All I’m asking for is one win. You’re firing billion-year old space rocks at us the same weekend we’re losing Game 6 and 7? Can we cut the shit for a second? Take a break. Maybe focus on the west coast or Denver. Things are going a little too good over there for my liking.
Do you think 4.5 billion years ago there were lifeforms playing intergalactic sports? Do you think their fans hated their team’s guts for never meeting expectations too? I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that once their season was over their star player wanted to move back to the galaxy where they came from. While there other star player ran over the team with his spaceship and then backed it up over them again. Gives you some consolation knowing someone else was once in your shoes.
Anyway if we can take any good news from this we’re overdue for an Armageddon sequel. We need Harry Stamper and the guys to save the world again or even just a reason to give Ben Affleck another chance to roast the movie:
P.S. – The scene where they request to never have to pay taxes again doesn’t hit when you’re six. But since I’m 30 I’ve never related to something more. If you ever find me in a position to save the world you bet the first thing I’m asking for is never having to pay taxes again:
Kyle writes blog posts and does Man on the Street-style videos all around Philadelphia. He graduated from Temple University (a basketball school) in 2015. contact: k.pagan@sportradar.com