News

People Have Already Had Enough of the I-95 Detours

By Kyle Pagan

Published: Jun 14th, 2023 · 11:25 AM EDT

---

We’re on day three of the I-95 collapse aftermath and commuters are restless. Look at this knight in shining orange:

Give this girl a job with streets dept. She got out of her car, tossed the broken barrier aside and then drove thru the closed intersection. pic.twitter.com/9BCDcKzQn2

— Bob Kelly (@BobKellyFOX29) June 14, 2023

That is the type of leadership this city has been lacking!

People are treating the police barricades like they’re stop signs in Philly and plowing right through them:

Another philly police barricade just destroyed by someone plowing thru it pic.twitter.com/mMyFzTqnmh

— Bob Kelly (@BobKellyFOX29) June 14, 2023

Now I’m sure people have good reasons for doing this (moving them, not running them over like Jalen Hurts did to the entire Vikings team last year). They could work or live on that street before the demolition zone. I mean how did Bob Kelly originally get back there???? I’m sure they’re not moving police barricades because they think PennDOT is going to let them through or something. This is just good ‘ol fashion Philly ingenuity:

Look at this guy getting out of van and moving the police barriers. He drives thru and then the trucks and cars start following him. Police say they can’t sit at every detour spot. pic.twitter.com/u8By2Ph4zv

— Bob Kelly (@BobKellyFOX29) June 14, 2023

How long until the Northeast starts to govern itself, now that it’s separated from the rest of Philadelphia? We had our Northeast Correspondents on Crossing Broadcast Tuesday to give us an update on how that part of town is dealing with everything:

Northeast Philly might start governing itself now that it's cut off from the rest of the world pic.twitter.com/0BbzYtw40B

— Crossing Broad (@CrossingBroad) June 14, 2023

The NE is its own sovereign nation right now. They might as well start establishing checks and balances since they’ll have a couple years until PennDOT sorts this mess out. Set up a boxing ring on the corner of Frankford and Cottman, hold a tournament, and let the winner be the new president. Institute a four-day work week. Start carving out your own Mount Rushmore: Brian Dawkins, Mike Schmidt, TJ McConnell, and Dave “The Hammerhead” Schultz of course. Barter and trade. Cash and credit is useless now. The person whose stockpiled the most Twisted Tea will be declared the wealthiest. Ryan and Judge can be the White House and the Capitol Building and Franklin Mills Mall is where the United Nations comes together. Trials will be decided by whoever can guess more top-20 Eagles franchise passing leaders.

It’ll be just like when Peter seceded from the US in Family Guy:

Good luck invading it after an Eagles loss. VIVA LA NORTHEAST!