Eagles

15 Eagles Haiku Poems After Abysmal Loss to Jets

By Kevin Kinkead

Published: Oct 16th, 2023 · 8:00 AM EDT

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There’s not much to write after a hideous loss like that one, so instead, we turn to poetry.

Here are 15 haikus on the Eagles/Jets game. Remember, three lines per haiku. Five syllables, followed by seven syllables, followed by five. Make sure to send this post to the Pulitzer Prize judges.

 

1. Turnovers

Protect the damn ball

Can’t win with four turnovers

Hold on to the ball

 

2. Don’t blame the defense

Sean Desai’s unit

they played their asses off 

don’t blame the defense

 

3. Zach Wilson is a bum

Zach Wilson not good

how do you lose to that guy?

he totally stinks

 

4. Drops

catch the ball, for real

DeVonta you’re killing me 

catch the goddamn ball

 

5. Haason Reddick is back

off comes the thumb cast

yes, Haason Reddick is back

big sacks, he is back

 

6. time of possession

let’s control the clock

stay on schedule, move the sticks

need to control clock 

 

7. Mark Sanchez wanted the Eagles to lose

Mark Sanchez a dope

he was biased for the Jets

stick to butt fumbles

 

8. Laura Okmin’s hat

Laura Okmin’s hat

rocking that Burberry jawn

Laura Okmin’s hat

 

9. Breece Hall is really good

Breece Hall very good

Jets should give him more touches

dude is really good

 

10. roll that Blount

Jets missing corners

so what? have to roll that blount

establish ground game

 

11. concerned about the right side of the offensive line

Jurgens on IR

now Lane Johnson is injured

I’m very concerned

 

12. too many fucking commercials

no more commercials

I just want to watch the game 

enough already

 

13. A.J. Brown is him

A.J. Brown is sick

best receiver since T.O. 

A.J. Brown is him

 

14. Jake Elliott is better from 50+

Elliott automatic?

from 50 plus, no problemo

but closer is worse

 

15. fake outrage

Bad loss, yeah for sure

too much bitching and whining

sky is not falling

 

This is either my best post ever, or my worst post ever. Leaning towards worst.

EDIT – Mike is a loyal reader and submitted a haiku for consideration:

Philly hang in there

it is awful, yet okay

until it is not