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Robot Story of the Week: Soccer Fans Bring Flares to the Linc, While Eagles Fans Can’t Get a Bottle of Water Past Security

By Kevin Kinkead

Published: Jun 24th, 2025 · 2:52 PM EDT

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If you missed it over the weekend, fans of the Moroccan team Wydad AC set off so many flares at Lincoln Financial Field that it forced a 26th-minute break in their Club World Cup game against Juventus.

They eventually lost 4-1, but got their money’s worth celebrating the lone goal they scored.

In response, the reaction on Eagles fans was overwhelming in consensus. “How can they get flares in the stadium when I can’t even get a water bottle in?” Stuff like that. They were basically wondering why the place is locked down like Fort Knox for football while North African fans can turn the end zone into raging inferno. We emailed FIFA PR about that and will report back if we hear anything, but in the meantime here’s a fake story from ChatGPT about miffed Birds fans:

Title: “The Curious Case of the Moroccan Flares”

It was Week 3 at Lincoln Financial Field. A sunny, early autumn Sunday. The Birds were up by 10, Jalen Hurts had just run one in, and everything felt right—except for Mike from Fishtown, who sat in Section 123, arms folded, eyes squinting at something unusual in the northeast corner of the stadium.

“Yo, what the hell is that?” he muttered to his cousin Dom, pointing toward a cloud of red smoke rising near the tunnel.

Dom blinked. “That… that’s a flare. Like a real flare. Like European soccer fan nonsense. Where’d that come from?”

Moments later, the PA announcer gave a chipper welcome to “our friends from Wydad AC,” the Moroccan soccer team in town for a friendly the following week, apparently guests of honor at the game.

Mike turned slowly toward Dom, dumbfounded. “So they can bring flares into the Linc, but I can’t even bring in my Aquafina?”

Dom shrugged. “They took my ChapStick last week. Said it was ‘contraband.’”

Mike, now full-on ranting, leaned forward to address no one in particular: “Every time I come in here, I gotta go through a TSA checkpoint like I’m boarding a flight to Guam. They opened my soft pretzel once. I had to unwrap my soft pretzel, Dom.”

Meanwhile, the Wydad supporters were waving flags, singing at full volume, and yes—setting off another flare. Bright orange this time. The crowd cheered, mostly confused but delighted. Security, oddly, did nothing.

“I had to dump a sealed water bottle in the trash last week,” Mike continued. “It’s not like I was hiding moonshine in it. Just plain, boring water. H2-friggin-O!”

“And yet…” he pointed dramatically toward the smoke again, “we got a Moroccan ultras section looking like the back row of a Metallica concert. How’d they get those in? Were they wearing cargo pants from the 90s? Did flares suddenly count as medical equipment?”

He stood up and made eye contact with an usher. “Hey buddy,” he called out. “Hypothetical question. If I show up next week with a roman candle in my sock, is that cool now? Asking for a friend.”

The usher smiled nervously and walked away.

“I’m tellin’ you,” Mike said, sitting down. “If I show up here next week with a bottle of Deer Park and a Zippo, I’m gonna end up on a no-fly list. But the Wydad crew gets a pyro show like it’s the World Cup Final.”

Dom leaned back. “It’s probably some international cultural exchange thing. Diplomatic immunity for soccer fans.”

Mike scoffed. “Next home game, I’m bringing a hoagie, a water bottle, and a small fog machine. Let’s see which one makes it past the metal detectors.”

And with that, he took a sip of his $6 stadium water, shook his head, and muttered, “Go Birds.”

Good stuff from artificial intelligence. Like I said, if we hear back from FIFA, I’ll do a separate post. FWIW flares are indeed listed as a prohibited item in the stadium code of conduct.