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Philadelphia Schoolchildren Beat Up Cowboys Players in Bizarro World Abbott Elementary Episode
By Kyle Pagan
Published:
Who says the Eagles and Cowboys rivalry has been dead for the last decade? Don’t tell that to the schoolchildren of Philadelphia. This is a bizarro world episode of Abbott Elementary:
George Pickens gonna have a worse headache than waking up after a bender in Vegas. HEYO!
This is awesome! I love this city. Where else can you get the news showing up to an elementary school with pictures of Cowboys players taped to punching bags so children can unleash right and left hooks on their faces? Nowhere. Screw math, these kids are going to remember this day for the rest of their lives, not the times tables they were taught. I mean, look at the overhand right from Little Pacquiao:
The Mayor was a product of the Philadelphia school system and look how she turned out. This is what happens when you don’t instill the values of the Eagles in children at a young age:
Don’t you ever try to tell me this isn’t the best sports city in the entire world. We’re top two and we ain’t two.
Do the Eagles have to win on Sunday? Absolutely. I know the Bookmark Brigade on Twitter already loaded up tweets in their drafts ready to unleash if somehow Dak Prescott beats the Eagles. This isn’t a must-win, but it just became a can’t-lose. I don’t want to become the punching bag for Cowboys fans for an entire year.
Kyle writes blog posts and does Man on the Street-style videos all around Philadelphia. He graduated from Temple University (a basketball school) in 2015. contact: k.pagan@sportradar.com