Penn

The Penn Band is Soft for Apologizing to Illinois

By Kevin Kinkead

Published: Mar 24th, 2026 · 3:50 PM EDT

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Penn got their doors blown off in the NCAA tournament last week, though members of the band hit Illinois with a “you’re gonna work for us someday” chant, which got everybody all riled up on the internet. They clutched pearls and gasped in horror.

Then the Penn band apologized:

The Penn Band issued a formal apology for the chant 😭

Unnecessary, but classy 👏 pic.twitter.com/B6WMyF9oEx

— Barstool Illini (@BarstoolILL) March 23, 2026

There was nothing offensive about the chant, which has been used since the 1970s. There’s always been a tinge of “we’re better than you” douchebaggery, but in this case it was a bunch of dorky Ivies who play instruments. There was nothing racist, sexist, or homophobic, just kids at a basketball game having fun while their team is getting clobbered. Imagine if we got all offended every time somebody did a Patagonia vest joke about the Villanova kids. “We believe that individuals are not defined by institutional membership.” Obviously the Penn band has never met a Pittsburgh alumnus. Disgusting individuals out there. Let’s get it back to savagely ripping the other team and their fans while having a laugh.

Here are some approved cheers that Penn can use next year:

• “Let’s go Quakers!”
• “Yay Penn!”
• “I believe that we will win.”
• “That’s alright, that’s okay, we’re all gonna sing kumbayah later today.”
• “hey hey, what do you say? we respect the other team always”
• “The other team will lose the basketball game!”
• “nothing nasty, nothing, violent we’re gonna foster a safe a respectful environment”

So on and so forth.