Sixers

Of Course the Sixers Got Their Asses Totally Kicked

By Kevin Kinkead

Published: Apr 26th, 2026 · 9:38 PM EDT

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Joel Embiid is back!

NOW THE SERIES BEGINS!

Or maybe not, because it’s over. They were throttled 128-96 by the Celtics on Sunday night, who shot 24-53 from three, and they’re now down 3-1 as the series heads back to Boston. They’re going to lose to this team in the postseason for the fourth time in nine years.

You can’t question Embiid’s toughness, because he suited up 17 days after an appendectomy with a protective wrap around his waist. But he was predictably rusty out of the gates and didn’t get going until the Sixers were down by 20 points in the third quarter. It’ll go down as 26 points on 9-21 shooting with a -25 plus/minus on the evening.

Too little, much too late for your team, your town, which scored 38 first half points. 38! They couldn’t throw the basketball into the Pacific Ocean if they were standing on the Malibu pier. They couldn’t rebound the basketball on either end of the floor and they were totally torched by a goofy white guy. In 2021 it was Kevin Huerter, Sunday it was Payton Pritchard, who looked like prime Reggie Miller en route to 32 points off the bench. Tyrese Maxey wasn’t assertive early, VJ Edgecombe and Kelly Oubre Jr. couldn’t hit anything, and Paul George was out there as well.

This is an exhausting team. No juice. Like a desiccated fruit that was squeezed dry years ago. The excitement for the post-Process Sixers really truly died off several seasons back, kept alive, perhaps, only by the additions of Maxey and Edgecombe.

Fool me once? Shame on you! Fool me 17 times in a row, shame on me!

We admittedly had one leg hanging off the bandwagon all season long, but we always end up with both feet firmly planted inside, just in time for the Sixers to get run off the court entirely. We go through all of this every year just to watch them inevitably get their doors blown off in April, and sometimes May if we’re lucky.

Not sure about you, but I can’t watch another year of the Joel Embiid era. What’s the point? I’m just… uninterested. I’m not even mad at the guy or whatever, it just is what it is. We desire change. We’ve been watching this for almost 10 years now and we’re ready for something different. Unfortunately we probably won’t get it because of his massive contract, and Paul George’s massive contract. We’re stuck!

So, like the assholes we are, we’ll turn on the television next season when they rip off a couple of wins in a row, and we’ll talk ourselves into a team that has 0 chance of winning the franchise’s first title since 1983, or even getting back to the conference finals for the first time in a quarter-century.

In the meantime, thankfully we have the FLYERS.