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Sadly, the Flyers’ Series Win Means We Won’t Be Getting More Bret Michaels Penguins Posts
By Matt Schultz
Published:
Today can’t be an easy day for Pittsburgh fans. After falling behind 3-0 in the first-round series against the Flyers, the Penguins scratched and clawed their way back into it with two big wins, giving the fanbase real hope that a historic comeback was possible – only to rip it away in a heartbreaking overtime loss in Game 6.
Their season is over. This era of Penguins hockey may be over, too. You simply gotta feel for the fans. Personally, I’m really feeling for one fan in particular: Bret Michaels.
If you’re unaware, Bret Michaels – the lead singer of the 80s hair-metal band Poison, star of the 2000s VH1 reality show Rock of Love, and the guy who taught me what diabetes is – is a diehard Pittsburgh fan. You might have heard that he did a concert at the NFL Draft last week, which seemed to be a very big deal to him, if no one else in the world:
The guy loves Pittsburgh sports. And based on this below post, it’s clear that this Penguins run meant the world to him:
This is what it’s all about. If Bret was a normal fan, he’d merely be excited about the game. Maybe he’d post something small about it – a photo of himself watching with family and friends, perhaps. But Bret’s not a normal fan. He’s a real one. You can tell by the fact that he made his own little poster for Game 6.
Look at the care Bret put into making this. He picked out the sickest font he could find. He Photoshopped a very bright image of himself on there – in which he looks awesome, wearing a t-shirt bearing what appears to be a skeleton version of himself. He’s holding a too-small hockey stick. He made sure to airbrush the photo until every one of his 63-year-old wrinkles were gone, replaced by a smooth, porcelain kind of look. If you look closely, you’ll notice that Bret placed himself in an absolutely massive ice hockey rink, so as not to confuse anyone, and to remind onlookers that the game would be played on ice.
Bret even went as far as to tag TMZ Sports in the tweet:
I do not know why he did that. I don’t know what he was hoping would happen.
TMZ Sports did not respond.
I do not like the Penguins, of course. But I love Bret’s post here. I wish there were thousands more like it. But sadly, the Penguins have been bounced from the playoffs, and so there will be no more.
Here’s hoping that Bret’s Pittsburgh Pirates posts can reach the highs that this Penguins post did –
Kinkead: I had nothin’ but a good time watching the Penguins lose.
Matt Schultz is a comedy and sports writer from Philadelphia. He’s written extensively for ClickHole, The Onion, and Conan O’Brien’s Team Coco. His work has been featured in Vulture, Deadspin, The A.V. Club, Paste Magazine, and other publications. Much of his sports journalism can be found on college basketball websites that don’t exist anymore (PhilaHoops Heads rise up…)